During the two years that I have been without an M/s relationship I have considered and even experimented with a few potential Masters as we tried each other out for likely “fits”.
Is thinking about these things a buzz-kill…hmmm. Nothing is more of a buzz-kill when you are within a M/s relationship than “topping from the bottom” so it is best to be sure you are on the right wave-length from the beginning to avoid a puzzled and lost Master taking direction from his slave.
Levels of Experience:
When I was first collared my Master was worried about my lack of experience. I didn’t get it. I was willing and eager to learn and I wanted him to be my teacher. Now I understand that he really didn’t want to be that much of a teacher and although he took me on, things might have gone better for me and for him if I was as experienced as I am now. Things upset me that wouldn’t now. I felt things with an intensity that was sometimes over-the-top because it was all so new. An equality of experience is a really good starting point for a pair, although I don’t think it is insurmountable with good will and eyes open. I think it is particularly hard for an inexperienced Master to successfully Master a girl who is a well-trained slave. Here the OOC and IC have to be carefully separated, with the girl never guiding or questioning her Master during IC sessions and there has to be a core felt respect that can transcend occasional blunders. The moment the girl feels her Master is a doofus, there’s going to be no sparks there for either.
Where are we going with this?
There is totally no point in entering into a M/s relationship when one person is hoping to take it to RL asap and the other has no interest in ever having an RL M/s relationship. How RL we are going to get is another question to ask yourselves. Anyone who believes that SL and RL can be totally separate is a heartless fool of course BUT there are differences in expectations. It is a heartbreaker to get into a M/s relationship and have it suddenly run aground on some insurmountable differences in expectations. Here’s the kinds of things you need to ask: Will you confine communications to SL and text. Will you use sex toys that can be remotely controlled? What are your feelings about webcams? Will a collar be worn in RL? If so, will it be symbolic (a ribbon or neck chain) or a locked collar with a key in the Master’s possession? Do we consent to RL discipline as directed by the Master and what kind?
Communications:
Will we have an emergency back-channel contact process (Skype, email, cellphone in case we can’t get into SL or there’s some other need to communicate)
SL expectations?
Are we connecting one pair of alt or all of our SL existence. Will we use a visible collar at all times, one that can be show/hide or not use any collar at all? Are we going to be part of a roleplay community or are we purely exploring on our own? What’s our flavour? Gorean, BDSM or “making it up as we go along”? What are our other responsibilities, interests and restrictions in SL? Some of us have professional avatars or business avatars that we can’t associate with relationships. Can we accept that those avatars will continue to operate outside the relationship, or do we need to find some compromise or token connection to feel the commitment deeply? Can we connect all our avatars in such a way as to make things work? Do we want our connected avatars to use RLV or do we prefer to operate on trust? Where will we act out our scenes?
Others?
Is our experimentation private or are we involving others? A Master who publicly beats a girl and then asks her to parade her red ass around the town square expects obedience but he might like to know if he is ever going to see her again after that command. Probably good to know. Likewise a Master who decides that a fit punishment is to give the girl over to public use. You want to be sure that this is not going to be so demeaning and damaging that the girl will never speak to you again in any reality. This kind of scene can be very exciting but takes thought and preparation. You need to know your girl and what she can handle. More importantly, is your desire as a Master to have more than one on your chain. Some girls just will make trouble for you if you bring them into a household or relationship like that. You need to decide how much trouble you want to handle and if it isn’t much let the girls slide who won’t share you if that’s the shape of your desire as a Master.
Time:
How much time do we have for this and do we know our schedule? I know that a very meaningful M/s relationship can happen between people who only find the occasional hour or so online in a week—when that is enough for both partners. This is especially true if you can keep things lively through email and exchanged notecards. A slave can do a Master’s bidding in his absence and work to please him. She can develop dances, write poetry or weave stories to titillate him. Likewise discipline can be accomplished asynchronously through cage time assigned and served. Those tricky cages that ask you questions and IM Master if you leave early serve well for this. I know I feel Mastered more fully when the SL consequences of my behaviour get translated into RL consequences that can truly be punishing and not just fun and sexy. One example that comes to mind was a time that I was gagged in SL and my RL punishment was that for that day I was not to speak unless spoken to and then with as much brevity as possible. I walked about visualizing the gag in my mouth, knowing that the Master had found my speech displeasing and thought hard about how speaking was a privilege I had to earn by framing my words always with care to pleasing my Master. I did a lot of shy smiling that day and actually learned a great deal about differential behaviour. So short time is not insurmountable. What IS a huge problem is differences in expectations. Whether is a difference in amount of time, usual time periods on line, or degree of predictability, if there isn’t room for compromise, it is not going to work.
Turn-on’s and Turn-offs:
I suggest you make independent lists of your top turn-ons and turn-offs. Just let it all flow out.
If you do all of this and feel more sparks than you started with, you are probably on a great path and in for a rollicking ride.
