A Master with a Strong Hand

Yesterday another Master in our city, Marcos, happened to say to me, "yes it is said that women prefer a Master with a strong hand".

Somehow those words made me think and immediately realize that it was more a case of fearing a Master with a weak hand!

Within our community there is one Master who uses as his tagline in forum postings, "An abused slave is a happy slave"... and every time I see those words I get the shivers. I personally have no desire to be abused.

What I seek in my M/s relationship is the things that are not available/obtainable (at least not by me) in an equal relationship, or a relationship where I would call the shots.

For me equal relationships with men have always been an endless string of struggles for power. It is tiring deciding who get's to decide, what's fair, who's right about everything, everyday, 24-7. Those wrangles take a toll on intimacy. And how easy is it to say, "I was wrong. I screwed up" when you know that admission is going onto some spousal scorecard to be retrieved when the next argument comes up and he needs to impune your record of behaviour or reliability.

Personally I have been pretending to be perfect for so long and deflecting all criticism that there has been no real room for personal growth. And I can never let my guard down with an equal partner who is a constant sparring partner.

While I am trying so hard to get my way, maintain my power, win my arguments there is little room for me to feel sexy, feminine, loving, protected, cherished or .... OWNED!

I know my Master is not always right about things. He has his blind spots. I have mine. But having agreed that his decisions are final, a vast majority of opportunity for discord is eradicated. As he happens to be a wise, fair person who is happy to listen to my ideas, this does not feel like oppression but rather a natural and peaceful way to exist.

The strong hand becomes evident when my Master is not pleased with something, corrects me or feels I need to improve in some area. I'm totally unused to criticism in my life. I react terribly to it and generally have never spoken to people again who have strongly called me out on things I've done wrong. I run. I lie. I hide. I quit jobs. I break with friends. But I never, ever say, "I'm wrong. I'm sorry."

As a result my Master was riding a really bucking filly when he first tried to school me to new behaviours or ways of thought. I have seriously tried to buck him off me... slip the collar and/or annoy him so much he'd set me free during two episodes. He has used all the tools of the skilled horse trainer in getting his mount to obey his commands. Gentle words, calming hands, a firm grip on the leash, a touch of the lash and occasionally some sort of symbolic bit between my teeth... additional controls during troublesome periods. His patience and hardness during these times, I later saw as an evidence of his caring and self-Mastery. It would have been soooo much easier to have let me run away... forget me... so much harder to weather the stormy seas. Yet he did with remarkable calm, steely determination and .... yes a strong hand.