Does one ever graduate from slavery?

A provocative question.

Lately my Master has not had time for me. He's not been well, he's over-worked but.... this girl senses that she's not as high in his priorities as she once was. How I feel about that changes with the day and the hour. My feelings for him remain loving. I worry about him, then feel a bit of a pulling back of that worry as I wonder if the illness is but an excuse for him taking a break from SL while he thinks things over.

A hot kajira is a terrible thing to waste, and yet this girl has been in limbo for weeks, neither released nor called to the furs nor used in any way.

I review my shortcomings as a kajira and the missteps we took along the way in our mutual path. As a new kajira with an experienced Master, I was unready for some of the challenges he gave me and balked and rebelled and broke at times under them. I worry that by the time I was ready and fully opened to his Mastery his whip hand was so weary he started to give up. I don't know.

These musings do not lead to understanding. Only my Master's words can do that.

In the meantime I find myself thinking about the uncertain future. What if I am released? Where will I go? What will I do?

More and more as I confront these thoughts I find myself feeling that I may have learned what I needed to learn from this aspect of myself. While I would willingly stay in this beloved collar for a longtime, a lifetime, I do not love the collar for it's own sake but only the Master whose name is on the collar. If he chooses to release me, I will walk a solitary path of reflection and healing, not rush like a crushed thing to another shelter.

The Master's Couch is his domain

The girl has been welcomed onto the Master's couch often lately and she had grown accustomed to the comfort there, coming to think of it as "their" bed and the place beside her Master as her rightful place.

One evening the Master made a point of chastising her for not following closely enough and so she was being very attentive at his boots, not letting him get further than a few yards before hurrying to his boots, while also staying out of his way, discerning whether she should be behind him or at his boots awaiting command.

In this mode of thinking, she made a mistake that the Master would have to discipline her for to break her from a bad habit of thinking. She followed him to his couch and as he flopped down in exhaustion, she crept into his arms unbidden. The Master gave a hearty laugh. "Comfortable are you my girl?"

"Oh yes, Master" said the bold girl as she snuggled into the Master's furs.

Suddenly she felt two fingers jammed between neck and collar and her face turned forcefully to gaze into the Master's burning eyes. She tried to look away but it was impossible. She was held fast and transfixed.

"Did I ask you into my furs, girl?"

"No, Master. The girl was only trying to follow as bidden".

"And where is your place to follow, girl?"

"At your boots, Master"

"I see girl that you know your place. Yet you have willfully ignored it. Is that true, girl?""

"No, Master. The girl did not mean to do so?"

"Which is it, girl? You either do not know your place, in which case I must give you a great deal of time under the whip to re-train you as you must be slipping badly. Or, you know your place but saucily chose to ignore it which means you must be punished for this transgression. Tell me which is the case? Because I see a kajira in my furs uninvited and I demand the explanation."

The girls face scrunched into a little ball of confusion and her eyes filled with tears. Try as she might she knew she had no option than to admit she was in the wrong.

Quietly she said, "I know my place Master. I forgot for a minute. The girl has grown too used to being in the Master's furs."

The Master's face softened a little at her humble manner and honest admission.

"Girl it is my fault also, as your Master. I do love to cuddle my little kajira bear in the furs. You are warm in the winter chill. But I see the error in my ways that you are losing discipline. You must remember your place, or others will teach you more harshly, should you be forgetful."

Still holding the girls collar, the Master roughly pushed her from his couch with one boot, swiftly with a practiced businesslike manner the Master tied the girls wrists to a slave ring at the foot of his couch, putting one foot on the small of her back, he raised her hindquarters in to the submissive pose, head down, hindquarters raised. Running his hands over the lines of her body, secured to the slave ring, he sighed with pleasure at her bearing.

"Ah girl, how it pleases your Master to have such a beautiful beast as you tied to the foot of my couch, perhaps I shall leave you like this nightly, what do you say girl?"

The girl's face was pushed to the furs, voice partially gagged and unhappy in her predicament, words did not come quickly.

The Master chuckling decides that his girl needs some focus for her submissive response and taking out his small slave whip and straddling her back striped her hindquarters swiftly with a few sharp cracks.

"What do you say girl? Do you like being at the foot of your Master's couch?"

"Yes, Master!!! Yes!" the girl exclaimed.

"Ah, that's better, mine. I am glad you like it as that is where you will stay, tonight".

And with that the Master heaved himself back into his sleeping furs, pulled his wrappings about him and chuckled softly a few times at the discomfiture of his girl who was learning a needed lesson on the cold floor, and would be all the sweeter in his arms in future nights. He missed her, but he was a Master and would do without her warmth so that his slave would not grow spoiled.

When he released her, he would be watching her manner carefully. He expected that she would be more exacting, careful and cautious. This one had spirit and so needed... and craved... frequent reminders of his power and the respect he demanded. She knew that she had two choices, give him what he demanded or take her chances when he grew tired of her... a new Master who might be worse, or death if she angered her Master too much. The Master knew she wanted to live and knew she wanted him as her Master, hungered for him, and so she would learn her lesson.

The couch was the Masters and he would share it when he willed, how he willed, and a girl should never presume that a place by his side was hers.

Penitence: "I'm sorry, Master"

Where does penitence begin?

The girl cannot begin to regret her actions until she knows in her heart that she has been in the wrong and that is very hard for us modern women to admit. We feel we have to be right all the time, we can't "let down our guard" for a minute in the competitive "dog eat dog" world we are forced out into, even when that is not our natures.

In the M/s relationship, the definition of what is "wrong" is simple. Anything that displeases the Master is wrong. Hopefully we have a wise, caring Master who is not arbitrary and unfair in his assessments of wrong-doing. But once a Master has made his desires known in a matter, if a girl fails to follow his instructions, or falls short in her duties to learn in the chosen manner, she should know that she has done wrong. Sometimes she fights this knowledge with self-justifications, excuses, or plain bullshit.

Punishment is needed at these tests in the M/s relationship for more than one reason. First it restores the balance before the relationship is ruined by the girl's harmful actions. Secondly, and I think most importantly it is an arena for dialogue as the punishment is roleplayed out. The thoughtful Master chooses a punishment that fits the crime and also provides the vehicle for the girl to consider what she has done and what she will do differently in future. The wise Master allows the girl some time alone before she learns if and how she is to be punished and the wise Master allows the girl some time to recover and readjust after the punishment so that she can resume her place at his boots with her new attitude happily in place. He should not let her come to him still sullen and resentful.

There are so many options for a Master to punish a girl and clever Masters think of new ones that are perfect for a particular girl. The worst punishment for a slave is to be deprived of her Master's presence and deprived of the privilege of pleasuring his body. That is like death to the slave. It is important for the Master who uses this punishment to let the girl know that she IS being punished, as this is easier for her to bear than the thought that she is no longer wanted.

Gagging a slave who has had displeasing words is a fitting punishment and it gives her silent time to reflect on her speech and think of new ways of speaking in a pleasing manner in future. Some Master's roleplay putting pepper or soap in the girl's mouth. I can imagine that this would form an image that would make one very attentive to the formation of words for sometime to come.

The hardest punishment for me was being ordered to crawl for a time, but I think it fit the crime. I had been sneaky like a snake so crawling was appropriate and I did learn from my time on my knees.

All of these solitary punishments presume that the girl understands and accepts what she has done wrong and ... the Master fully understands why he is angry. A lot of times there is unfocused anger and the slave is puzzled and confused, still filled with excuses for the behaviour. This is when I think it is best to take out the whip, or the switch, the paddle, or turn her over your knee, Masters, whichever works for you as a direct communication of your displeasure.

As the Master administers the strokes he is forced by the intensity of the roleplay to articulate his anger, his displeasure, his pain at the girl's behaviour. He draws out all the excuses from her until she runs out of them. She probably "hears" him for the first time. And he hears how she has been justifying this behaviour to herself and learns the nature of the flaw in the girl. One by one he shows her the error in her thinking and punishes each error as a stiff reminder to her that going down that road in her thinking will only wind her up where she is, on the Master's whipping post and feeling his angry scowl upon her. At some point in this interaction the moment of penitence comes to the girl. She realizes she has willfully disregarded the Master's instructions or otherwise offended. She knows she allowed herself to be tricked by her own wrong thinking and she is truly sorry for the first time. This is when she opens herself to be schooled by the Master in a better way of thinking and acting.

The moment of penitence is like a light being turned on in a dark room. All of a sudden what was dark and hidden is there in clear relief, uncomplicated by the murky shadows of excuses, and self-justifications. The Master's heart leaps with joy as he sees his girl turn this corner and he melts with tenderness for his misguided darling girl who can sometimes be so misled. In this moment the girl submits more deeply to her Master because he has opened up a dark chamber in her spirit and shown her the way out, if she will only take his hand and follow him out.

Tearfully she lifts her eyes to meet the smiling eyes of her Master. She marvels to see that she has been punished but is now forgiven. She feels unworthy but determined to try harder than ever to be the girl he believes she can be.

The Master Returns

The dark ship grows larger on the horizon until the flag is unmistakable.... the Master is returning! Kate scurries the the kitchen to fetch some cool fruit, cheese and wine on a platter and scurries to the dock, clutching up a fragrant blossom on her way.

She moves to the dock with the platter balanced on her head, the best way to steady her burden over uneven ground. Her body is tanned and mostly bare, her breasts swinging naked and free and but a sheer swath of silk around her hips. She is kajira and will go to her Master clothed in the way that pleases the sight of a true man and not with the frippery that pleases the sight of women in their competition with each other. She has to only please one set of eyes.

As she arrives at the docks, boys are already unloading crates of goods, bolts of silks. She backs out of the way and kneels gracefully with the tray of goods poised on her head, ready for the Master's delectation. Her back arched, her breasts raised naked and inviting, there is much more that awaits the Master's delectation. From the ship she hears the sound of her Master calling orders and one time a hearty laugh that lifts her spirits with the sound of its sunshine, and the resonant commanding tone of his voice works the magic on her that it has always done. She trembles slightly with her desire for his touch, with the evoking of the submissive response that he has so carefully conditioned in her through months of training... until now she is a fully trained graceful and obedient love slave, responsive to his every breath, gesture and mood.

The last cargo to be unloaded is a small brace of naked girls, newly captured by the look of their muddy state and graceless posture as they are tugged along to the holding cells under the palace. Kate barely notices them as they are beneath notice as untrained almost valueless property. By contrast kate has value through the training her Master has invested in her, teaching her to respond immediately and intuitively. She is a jewel beyond price, shaped and honed to her Master's desire but with the beating heart of a woman within and the flaming passion of imprisoned desires and even fury visible within the beautiful shaping and control of her Master's will. Each sparkling facet of her nature has been carefully polished by his craft and knowledge of the nature of women and this one in particular. It is so easy to shatter the jewel along its fault lines so that it falls into dust and blows away in the wind as though it had never existed. Yet a jewel without faults yeilds no entry for the carving, no surprises and no sparkle.

At last her Master steps forward to walk down onto the island, his Homestone awaiting. The sun warms kate's body and a single bead of perspiration traces it's way sinuously down her tanned nearly naked form. She wills her arms not to tremble as she holds her offering of cooling fruit and water aloft, bowed head waiting to be noticed.



It is then that she notices a leash in her Master's hand and the tinkle of of slave bells as a silk-clothed pretty follows her Master from the ship and sinks into a sultry nadu at his heels. Stabbed through the heart at the site of the girl, kate momentarily looses her composure. Her love of her Master causes her pangs of grief and worry that this one may have taken her place in his heart and that she may be sent away. The momentary thoughts cause her to delay in seeing her Master's hand signal to her to come. One of her accomplishments as a slave is that she instantly responds to the mereist signal from her Master... a look to his glass, a pointed finger to his boots, or a gesture that he wishes her to pleasure him with her mouth has brought instant and exquisite obedience for sometime. So he notes her hesitation with annoyance, "Have you forgotten your training, kate? Come quickly!!"



kate hurries to her Master's boots, chastened by the stern tone in his voice. That tone when she hears it reminds her physically of the times that she has heard that voice tone while learning under the Master's lash... and it reminds her of the times that exhausted and punished to near the level of breaking her Master has taken her in passion teaching her that submission is exquisite joy while rebellion is painful. So now at his words she hurries forward as though lashed and her cleft becomes moist and soft in feminine submission aching with anticipation of the Master's rod, ready to serve his pleasure as she has been well-conditioned to do over the past year.



Bringing the tray forward, the Master grunts as he selects some fruit and washes it down with cool water. He tosses some fruit to the girl on his leash and signals her to take the tray from kate. By this time the boys are returning from their unpacking back to the ship. Meeting the Master before he has gone but a few steps, the Master bids them, "Boys take this girl also to the kennels. Secure her separately. It seems she is in need of some re-training." Stepping back towards kate, the Master pulls her to her feet, tears the clothing off her and with one boot, sends her in the direction of the boys. Naked she follows, head down. One boy thinks to rope her but the other shakes his head at him. They recognize that a trained love slave will not need a rope to follow her Master's bidding.



Heartsick and alone the girl sits in the cell with tear stained cheeks. She can hear the sounds of laughter and music in the castle above and knows that the girl in green silks with red hair is even now pleasing her Master with her dance.



Much later she hears the sound of the Master opening the lock of her cell. She recognizes the hunger of the male in the throes of sexual need and waits to be ordered to please him. Before she can think, he lifts her on top of a horse made for discipline, parts her legs and with one thrust enters her to the hilt, pounding her with urgent need and desire. Asking her who owns her, she screams "You do Master, this one is yours" over and over at his urging. It is his pleasure to hear this from the girl that is owned.



Spent he draws her to her laughing, "Oh I have missed my girl, kate".



She answers, "I have missed my Master daily"



"Do you know why you are here?" the Master asks



"No, Master. The girl was slow to see you summon her with the tray. The girl knows that you have many pretties to choose from always. I am always the Master's to do with as he chooses, even...." and the tears flowed... "even to sell this one and send her away."



"Nay, kate. You are the jewel in my crown. The perfect sheath for my sword. I would not send you from me. But know that the love slave must exist in the deepest slavery of all and for the training of other girls, they must know that my self-Mastery is in tact. Even you could not love me as you do if you saw that you could control me by the love I have for you. I could not keep you if I were not your Master and so dear girl you must suffer more for the love that you hold and the love that I give you."



"Master, I do love you. This girl understands. May this one ask a question?"



The Master nodded his assent and his sat down beside the girl stroking her hair from her face and smiling his pleasure at her loving regard.



"Will the girl in green be staying on your chain, Master?"



"We shall see. For a time perhaps. She is the only one of the lot that I am carrying on the ship that might bring a good price if trained. The others will go for pot and kettle girls or paga sluts. I think I will send her into the cell near you for a few days. I plan to keep you here handy for my pleasure and let the other girls do what work is needed. The red-haired one can observe how you please and the words and gestures of your obedience. I would that you help me train her. "



With some small time spent in this converse, the Master seemed in need of some more of kate's expert attentions. Knowing that she was loved but also knowing that she needed to prove her skills, her obedience, her pleasing nature she focused on the fiery yearning centre within her, flaming up to meet the fire in her Master's eyes. Sinuously moving towards him on all fours like a graceful jungle cat her ears perked for his words, her nose sniffing the warm musk of his maleness and her active intelligence reading his face and body for every small hint of his desires. Her body was tuned to be responsive to his every whim. A smile spread across the Masters face as he regarded the body of his submissive slave crawling toward him, her round bottom raised for his plowing, her eyes veiled with love and desire for him. He sighed with pride at the majesty of this submissive animal, this perfect female of his creation. It had taken some work with the lash and some struggle but now he possessed a slave other men might envy and he would feel worth fighting for to ensure she stayed in his collar and for his pleasure alone.

Why I love my Master

• Because I fit him somehow, and where I don't fit he stretches me and the stretching is growthful, sexy and sometimes fun
• Because I feel safe wrapped in his big arms
• Because I love the scent of him
• Because his beard tickles.... everywhere it wanders
• Because anytime I think of being lazy or less than I can be as a woman I feel his firm hand on my backside, swotting the silly and lazy thoughts out of me
• Because being owned is freedom to truly love as a woman
• Because he doesn't let me get away with anything and sees through my crap
• Because he is smarter and wiser than he knows
• Because he is a man with depth and complexity and many interests
• Because he has achieved so much self-Mastery and grows daily and his growth as a Master makes me strive more as his girl
• Because he continues to see the best in me and expect better from me yet--he is demanding
• Because he did not allow me to walk into Gor ill-prepared but insisted that I read and that I know the fundamentals
• Because I know that he is desired by many and I fully expect he will take his pleasure where he wills and yet ... I feel secure in his collar as long as I continue to serve as he bids
• Because the sight of him, the sound of his name, his footstep as he approaches makes my knees bend to a kneel
• Because the sound of his voice and the scent of him parts those knees in nadu
• Because pleasing him in the smallest way fulfils me, a "good girl" is enough to bring orgasm
  

Because I can't imagine ever running out of new reasons to love him, and lastly because I am owned, I am kajira and I am Mastered and so there is no choice.

The place of discipline

My Master has been rebuilding his home and in so doing he felt the time had come to think about the basement area that has served assorted needs, among them a place to send the girl when she was disciplined. The new design of the space will be partitioned rather than one open space that previously existed. In talking about the design, we spoke about the impact of spaces on the psychology of the slave.

In considering this I realized that space and atmosphere (dank cavern, cage, post in the village square) made little difference to me in affecting my mood when subject to discipline, rather it was the state of mind, the actions, the timing.

Why is it both incredibly scary and incredibly exciting (all at once and mixed together) to have my Master take me to a place where I know I will likely be subject to his discipline?

In exploring this mystery, my mind wandered back to the dysfunctional way men and women sometimes argue with each other. What happens when a woman crosses the line with a man she loves? More than likely he storms away slamming the door after him. She doesn't know if he has left for good. She cries. She feels abandoned. She may feel angry and not listened to. No understanding is achieved. She is unlikely to seek within herself as to how she might have handled things differently. She is too preoccupied with pain, loss, dread, confusion, anger.

Alternatively if her lover snaps, looses control (the opposite of Mastery) and lashes out physically at her, this will simply shock and hurt her. It will be too much violence with no rationale, and she will shut down, confident that she is in the right. He is the villain in the piece. Spousal abuse is NOT Mastery.

In either case, if they make up later, they may have passionate make-up sex clinging to each other, so happy that the argument hasn't destroyed the passion at their heart, but has any real communication happened. Has any power balance that needed to shift happened? No. The pitfall is still there and they will stumble on it again in future.

Arguments arise at the fault lines in relationships. Like faults in the earths plates, lava bubbles to the surface with steam and heat. It is the place where two individuals meet unyielding obstacles in each other and earthquakes ensue. Ultimately, one plate must slide over the other. One must yield.

Our differences create the energy between us, the polarities for the sparks of fun, sensuality, passion. Having none would be boring. Taking that energy to the edge but not beyond is an art, a dance, a dangerous sport. It is not something that can be achieved in the dark, not something that can be done without words to each other.

My Master bids me to be myself and so I will be. I love him very much and sometimes a sudden glimpse of him very instinctively brings me to my knees without as much as thinking, eager to please and serve him. I really want to please. I cherish my time with him and honour what he is to me, my Master.

But sometimes aspects of who I am irritates him and I will try this way and that to get on a different track, to achieve my objective in another way that doesn't get him cross, only to make him angrier yet. I am lost, off the path and need a strong hand to guide me back.

Other times something in me makes me run at the rock that is him with all my force, knowing I am headed for trouble but I can't seem to stop myself not because of lack of control but simply because my ego or emotional needs are on a collision course with my Master's and until that plays out, there will be no peace for me or him.

If reason and talking could sort it out, we'd never have difficulties as we are intelligent and communicative people. But sometimes motivations, needs, fears and irrational worries are deeply buried and control us against our own best interests. These are places where in an equal relationship, long struggles that potentially would poison or end love occur. A partner throws up his or her hands and leaves.

A Master will have none of it.

When I see that my Master will have none of it, something in my heart jumps for joy. At the same time I tremble because I know I am in for a hard lesson and I am not sure what it will be or how hard it will be for me to truly bend to my Master's will in the matter. I know that faking it is not possible. Whatever happens next... in the next few minutes, or over the next several days... I know that he is determined that when he is done with me I will be returned to my knees as his loving slave. He will accept no lessor outcome.

A Master is not going to walk out the door permanently or lose his temper and abuse a slave senselessly. A kajira is a treasure like a beautiful bonsai to be shaped by a combination of love, nurture and firm steel. Instead of childish emotional outbursts, he will use his many skills as a Master and his knowledge of his girl to explore and root out the behaviour that is causing distress. He is going to force me to listen and understand his preferences and in the course of this exploration we will not only learn much about each other but the interplay of the energies and the transfer of power will be deliciously erotic and intense at times.

The collision energies build to a peak and the girl sees from the look in the Master's eyes, a tone of voice, a sudden hand gesture, or a dismissal that he has had enough and that her efforts to curb the behaviour (if she has) have not been enough. It is then that he moves suddenly or as quickly as possible in the circumstances to remove her from her place at his boots. She is bound or chained or caged away from him. And that is the key thing about her condition as a precursor of punishment. She is taken away from him for a time. This breaks the cycle of collision. She has nothing to rail at, no one to protest or cry or query or complain to. There is only silence and the place where she is comfined.

What is the attitude of the angry, hostile woman? Arms crossed over breasts, she will cover the sensitive buds that her male Master knows will bend her to his will. Her stance is sideways, tall, proud, turning her sex away from the Master's cock, fending him off with a hip. This is the natural pose an angry woman adopts.

The slave to be punished is secured in an attitude that the Master assesses will make her feel the most vulnerable and disabuse her of her destructive delusion that she can control him in any way. For me, not being able to see clearly what the Master might do focuses my attention in both a calming and erotic way, like hooding a hawk. Bending me over a bench, head away, my hair cascading over my face, the Master secures my feet apart, my hands stretched forward. It is a position where I might be sexually used, spanked or whipped on back and legs. My breasts hang freely and I can not cover them. My head is lower than my behind, in the position of the submissive pup. It is one of several positions that I might be left to wonder what will happen next.

At this point the Master may have the time and inclination to begin to work with the girl immediately, but he may think it best to think for awhile. The sight of his girl bound and quivering, tugging futilely at her bonds, perhaps still in the heat of her anger making futile curses at him, is an amusing and delightful challenge to the Masterly instinct in him. He loves to see her fire and looks forward to how she will soon buck under him. He smiles at her flashing angry eyes but thinks that they do look slightly more pretty, heavy-lidded and adoringly glancing up at him with her mouth wide open around his cock. Moving over to the bound girl, the Master traces the beautiful curve of her flesh from her shapely neck, down her back, glistening with faint drops of sweat from her anger and fear. He cups the round of her firm bottom and sees the cheeks clench involuntarily in their familiarity with the force of his discipline.

With one hand he explores the condition of her heat, tight, dry, only one finger pries into her. With the other hand he takes the coiled whip from his belt and allows her to feel the coil as he rubs it over her back. As she feels the whip's closeness, the girl trembles and the Master notices her heat moistening, loosening, opening to him. This is the sign of a girl ready and eager for the Master's discipline, becoming receptive and ready to have her wrong attitudes stripped from her and to listen and learn new obedient behaviours. Her pussy relaxes to take as much of the Master's hand he chooses to use to force her chamber while he thumbs and twists her nipples into a state of gratifying attention.

From this starting attitude of readiness and attention the Master will begin, now, or at his leisure to probe the fault line in his girl. He will ask her questions. Wrong answers will be punished. Displays of rebellion will often be dispersed by taking the girl sexually during the session. Sex is both a reward and a reminder that she is owned at these times. He will reveal his own thoughts on the matters. The girl will emerge knowing that the Master's will on these issues cannot be challenged. It will not be a matter of a daily painful choice to "try" to do what pleases him. She simply will be convinced body and soul that this is an issue that is not winnable. Sometimes she may even learn things about why the issue is important to her Master... things she was not ready to listen to any other way that changes her heart and mind through understanding. She need not be broken to obey. In any case, the problem is vanquished.

She is returned to her knees, his loving slave again. She has learned more of him and he of her. There may be other challenges but this one will not plague them again . . . or at least. . . if there is a relapse, the understanding is there to curb it quickly.

There is only so long you can dance or write solo

My writing output has been sputtering to a halt lately because for me the most important audience member I have for these writings is my own Master and whether because of busyness or because I have become boring and non-spontaneous to him... I seem to be too reflective, or to wish for more planning sometimes... he has been absent.

He is my inspiration and without him, there is nothing to write about.

The other day I asked him how I could please him and he told me just to be myself. On one hand that was such a nice and affirming thing to say and I am sure he meant it as such. We submissives bring personality, a mind, opinions, and talents to the M/s relationship for sure.

But what attracts us to a Master is that we sense that we need and want to be shaped to his pleasure. We don't want to fight the man that has won our hearts and brought us to our knees. We give up freedom to no longer live in suspense about when we have pleased or displeased, how we may serve, what we can strive to do better. We expect to be told clearly.

A Master who is no longer interested in doing that, has released us ... in his heart, by his actions, whether the formalities have been done or not.

My leash dangles from my collar without a tug. I hope to feel his strong hand again. But for the moment I feel sad, lost, rudderless.. and gentle readers... have nothing to write about.

Settling down a confused kajira

As I fussed a lot about my thoughts on what it meant to be punished without just cause, worried about my Master's distrust and felt that there might be a growing rift, I paced back and forth restlessly in my Master's house, trying this way and that to approach him, to restore what was. He grew increasingly irritated as he was trying to simply enjoy a meal in peace.

With a grunt, he thew aside the bone he was knawing on, shoved the table to the side and approached me swiftly. With one hand on my hair, he pushed me into the position of the submissive bitch on all fours, then reached and bent one arm painfully behind me.

He let go of my hair only long enough to unlace himself and pull up my camisk. Before I could think a coherent thought his maleness was deep inside me, painfully penetrating me in the absence of any advance preparation, moisture or heat.

He said little to me as he took me swiftly, but I gentled slowly under the relentless pounding of his cock. He furiously and passionately reminded me that I was his, that he found me desirable, and that he would have me when and how he pleased. He came into me with a yowl of the triumphant animal. Jumping up, he casually booted me over onto my back and collapsed into my arms where I covered him with the kisses and tears of the repented kajira that understands who her Master is.

Sometimes it is just that easy to restore what is true.

Maintaining the attitude of submission

Recently my Master joked with me that he would spank me but I would only enjoy it so he was not going to. It was a light-hearted moment but it led me to reflect on the fact that there are degrees of discipline that a Master gives a girl and to wonder if all discipline must consist only of a painful lesson to be of value.

This girl thinks not.

Just a few weeks ago the girl started to get into a topic that was forbidden her. A few sentences in and her Master signalled her to silence and to bend over. A very few head-clearing slaps were administered to her bared backside as she stammered her apology and realization that she had been disobedient. With each stroke of the bottom-warming paddle, her Master went over the explicit directions he had given and the general principle that these directions were framed in. It was IC and there were others within earshot of the punishment so it was slightly humiliating and slightly funny at the same time. The suddeness of the act made the the girl gasp and in an act that only took a few seconds her submission was renewed. And yes it was also arousing, but why?

There is nothing lonelier or more destructive than a woman imprisoned by her sense of pride. So often I have gotten myself locked into a position that I have taken on something, some extreme statement, ultimatum or rule. Later, it often seems silly but I have no way to back down. I have made a cage for myself.

Therefore these little displays of dominance from my Master keep me from ever becoming that rigid, prideful and lonely woman. He will always bend me, strip me of my pride and warm me with his will and his maleness. It is very difficult to act like a proud bossy female when my bottom is glowing and my face is blushing from having been given a recent come uppence. Even if it is partly in fun, the lesson is learned, the reminder is given. The girl remembers her place.

On Earth men are afraid to make their displeasure known because they fear that women will retreat into that frigid cage of pride and their words will not be listened to or remembered. When the totally submissive Gorean slave trembles under the Master's whip, the Master knows her attention is totally on him, the words of his displeasure will be listened to and remembered and the attitude of his girl will be.... sooner or later..... humility and willingness to learn to improve. It is a vehicle for honest communication instead of the silence of two tortured solitudes.

Is it any wonder that the relieved, forgiven, freshly whipped kajira is more desperately hungry for her Master than ever?

The Emotions of a Gorean Master

Gorean Masters are far from unfeeling Stoics. They live life to the fullest taking joy in life, love, food, sex, the thrill of battle, the love of homestone, appreciation for the beauty of nature.

Why is it then that the custom in SL Gor seems to be for Gorean Masters to not show emotion when their most cherished slaves are lost to them, or they fear might be lost? Masters devote a lot of time, thought, emotion and energy into the selection, collaring, and training of a kajira. It therefore seems natural to me that both IC and OOC, they would be distraught if a girl that they valued were to be lost, or another Master challenged them for a girl's ownership.

Gorean Masters weep openly when sad and then pick themselves up and do what needs to be done. This is strength. Weakness is being afraid to express true emotions. A girl should not confuse the fact that her Master weeps in contemplating her loss with an ability to "top from the bottom". He will weep but still do what he wills.

Hearing my Master cry with sadness at something I did was the worst thing in the world to me, and I pity those girls whose Masters do not openly share their emotions. Making my Master sad is worse than any beating or restriction. It is total failure in my job of giving my Master exquisite beauty, absolute obedience and ecstatic pleasure.

When the Master is sad

It is a rainy day when the Master is sad. Even if the Master says that it is nothing the girl has done and nothing she can do, still she is sad.

In her sadness, she must take care not to be a nuisance, not to press. The Master will tell her if she can serve. At times like this being provocative and sexually teasing may well just annoy the Master. Best to offer quiet service, beauty and loving comfort.

Today I bring a warm footbath with floated petals of flowers and soothing oils. While the Master sits disconsolately I wait for the merest nod and hand gesture to signal me to bend over into boot-jack position, taking one boot at a time between my legs, the Master pushes on my backside to remove his boots, sometimes sending the girl sprawling.

I take his feet one by one lovingly and gently and place them in the foot bath to soak before beginning to bath, massage and attend to each foot tenderly. I think about my love following him in every footfall, so that my service becomes erotically charged with submitting my all to this humble act.

Simply acts of body service for my Master are as sweet to this girl as pleasure in the furs and more comfort to the Master when he is feeling poorly.

Dreamer and dream

Dreamwalker you prowled like a panther in the land of slumber
Capturing mirrored light of meteor showers in your golden eyes
It was the time of late summer restless stirring in my dreams,
Falling falling through the nightsky and into your dreamscape

You held out your bright globe of captured dreams like a beacon
Catching the essence of my falling star above the ocean of oblivion
You peered with curiousity at the galaxy of soul dust swirling within
Gently you cupped a hand upon the globe and warmed the life within

Lucid dreamer with a captive dream, you shaped me
A dreaming soul birthed to a body of pure light
Constrained by iron and learning the steel of your will
I am your dream and grow into the shape of your imagining

The Jewel within the Slave

One of the most valuable lessons of slavery is learning that one's value is not dependent upon power.

In my real life I went through a period in which because I lost a particular job, I totally lost my sense of self-worth and identity for a time. I felt like a piece of discarded trash as my identity was so wrapped up in the status and power of a leadership role I had in my work.

But a slave has no power, no possessions, almost no ability to make decisions for herself. She is owned, her Master's property, to be used, sold, punished even killed as he wills it.

Yet her Master values her.

The danger in this is that the girl will become so dependent upon her Master's approval that she becomes a clingy bootwarmer. SL Gor seems full of whiney dependent slaves and that clingy dependence does not endear most girls to their Masters.

Most Masters want a bit of a challenge, a girl that they have to wrestle to her knees and who amuses them with displays of wit, intelligence and sauce.

Within each slave there is a beautiful female jewel that starts out dull and uncut. The Master will shape it to his pleasing but it is the girl who polishes and makes it shine for the Master's pleasure. As the girl sees this jewel take shape, her feminine beauty, grace, her ability to pleasure a Master, her unselfish female submission to the wishes of the male, the skills she develops to please her Master.... cooking and serving the food that pleases, keeping his home as he wills, crafting things that he desires her to make, dancing for him, singing or playing music for him.... whatever he bids her do... she knows deep in herself that she is a beautiful slave, she is a jewel beyond price. Her Master MAY value her.... or he may sell her.... or cast her aside. While she might miss him, it does nothing to her sense of her value. The jewel is still inside and she thanks her Master for cutting it in such a beautiful shape. She will treasure the slave jewel within and it will shine out of her eyes, captivating all men with the sexuality of the truly submissive female.

Training a girl to wait

My Master used a maddeningly effective training visualization exercise to train me to both stay sexually tuned but to wait on his command.

He brought me to a peak of arousal with his words and then he commanded me to open my legs for him. Parting my petals, he thrust what he described as a large but fragile glass dildo in my pussy. He then put my iron belt on to hold it in place.... and went off to do other stuff humming a little tune. I was to stay in place and describe the feelings, the contour of the dildo inside me. However I could not make the slightest contraction of my pussy or the glass could shatter inside me causing pain and damage.

I felt the smooth curved contour of my Master's toy holding me open, filling me, holding his place like a bookmark. The sensation of penetration made me want to contract desperately but I knew I could not. Over the time that I was left like this (30 to 60 minutes) I went from curiousity, to annoyance, to intense arrousal, and finally to that state of perfect submission and openess. I was open and ready for my Master, but I had learned obedience and control of my feminine muscles.

From that point on, he could ask me to halt and stay in the middle of his sexual use of me and I was able to obey and adopt the mental and sexual attitude of readiness and openess, awaiting his lead always.

Initially I didn't understand what the Master was trying to achieve with this training and maybe it was important that I figure it out by myself. But it certainly led me to a different attitude and dynamic within the cybersex. I had been very much feeling that I had to instigate, contribute all the time. This trained me to receptivity.

Fun within an M/s relationship

The photo above is of my Master trying out a new swimming HUD. I am surfacing from below and caught him reflected in the waves... Yes he did eventually take his stuff off...sorry girls I didn't take any snaps.

One of the payoffs of the mature, secure M/s relationship is the ability to relax and have fun together sometimes. For the dominant man, it is often a worry to appear undignified, silly, goofy and just play with a girl. He fears losing respect and control. However, when that respect is absolute, his power and Mastery over her is as complete as possible, that fear ceases to exist.

He tells his girl he feels in a playful mood and she claps her hands in delight at the prospect of a light-hearted day. They can play together like innocent children, free of any need to posture in front of each other because all of that pretense has nothing to do with them. He knows he is in control and so does she. And so the play is free, satisfying, and completely fun!

Do slaves think of position?

In Laura there was/is a rule that city slaves greet members of the council each day with the full karta/obeisance gesture and it was recommended that all slaves greet their Master each day with this gesture. It is the very gesture of head down tail up that animals give to signal submission. I find I like this habit to remind me of my submission. While the Master might choose to dispense with it in future or on any particular occasion, it is a small gesture that helps maintain what is at the core of what I am to him.

I can tell you also that I feel more ready for punishment and more truly punished when the punishment is received in the submissive position--or I should say that only then does the punishment have a sexual dominance context to me.

The whipping cross or post may be tied in my mind with male slaves through movie imagery or something. Don't know. It is effective punishment, but it is less intimate, less male/female, than being punished bent over a knee or a chair, or bench like a child. It felt entirely correct for my Master to whip my alt severely to break her in... and she may need that again... I'm not sure. To me the whipping post or cross is for breaking slaves, initiating them and for serious crimes. It is not sexual in nature. It is a truly harsh punishment.

At other times the misdeamenours of slaves are like the failings of children, the Master flogs or spanks his girl not to break her spirit, but to reinforce his will, help her remember the lesson, and to keep her butt always remembering who her Master is in a way that will assure that she moves quickly and obediently and.... yes... smiles... also that she bobs smartly on his cock. There is really nothing like the feeling of the Master's balls bouncing on my recently warmed butt to excite me and I would imagine that there is nothing that says "mine" like having his balls slapping against the warm red heat of a bottom he has recently chastised.

I expect to be swatted often and really to never be without the marks of a recent hand slap or welts of a switching. They are proud witnesses of the sternness of the Master. I ame kept on the edge by the occcasional unpredictable outburst of the Master in which I get in trouble for nothing.

Thinking about position again...

I found it disturbing the first few times theMaster asked me to stand in his presence, (apart from dancing or serving him) . There is a reason why slaves are in nadu most of the time. There are times that it makes IC sense for me to be standing but I think it is very important that the Master to signal permission for that and that IC I would share how weird it feels... because it does!! When we were in the woods roleplaying hunting one time when my Master had a roleplay involving Panthers, he had to remind me to stand a couple of times and that was so very in character that muse would forget and sink into nadu naturally. Kneeling in the presence of her Master SHOULD be natural to her... and it is!

Another lesson from the natural world is about how the handling of animals gentles them. One clips the flight feathers of birds and handles them daily to gentle them. One cages a horse and lays hands on it often to gentle it, to teach it that the touch of the Master is unavoidable and proper.

And so it reinforces Mastery in my mind he touches me often. And when I am not in a mood receptive to Mastery, I am very jumpy about touch. Sometimes when we are having an ooc talk and he suddenly emotes something like, "he reaches out and strokes her thigh".... I will literally tense up in RL... because I am not in the submissive frame of mind...BUT... it is therefore important re-inforcement to do so. When I sense that reaction, I realize I have to school myself to be in a receptive and obedient frame of mind and body. If things seem a little off the rails in an ooc chat, nothing works better to get me back in the zone than taking one of my breasts in his hands (my nipples are like the remote controls for my clit), booting my knees further apart (love that gesture), or checking out the state of my heat with his hand. Reminding me that the Master will touch me how he wants, when he wants, reminds me of my place. The more often I feel his hands on me in every way, the more I feel owned. And there are occasions where it does us both good when he asserts his Mastery in this way when others are around. I am not embarassed, instead it is affirming.

My reflex position in RL when sitting across from a man is to cross my legs and shield my breasts in some way... folded arms...briefcase on lap... clipboard, notebook... I hide. So opening my legs in a way that consciously reveals my vagina to my Master and arching my back to display my breasts...having bared breasts or partially bared breasts makes me feel owned. I think I have to do more to talk that up in character to keep myself on the edge... and anything he does to remind me of my position of display, to insist that I must always be in a position of display, will help me maintain myself in a state of being ready to please/serve.

Feminism and Female Submission

Sharing some thoughts that I had on International Women's Day:

My Master and I participate together in a general discussion forum .... where we first met, pre-SL, before either of us heard the word "Gor".

When we first posted about our M/s relationship, a lively, funny, liberal woman on the forum said, "And I campaigned for years for women's rights so you could do THIS?"

To which my answer is a rather loud "Yes".

For me personally it would likely be impossible for me to explore my nature as a submissive if not for the political and economic securities that have been won by feminists (like myself!) over the years. It would also be impossible for me to even begin to discuss my nature if there were not an atmosphere of tolerance that had been forged by progressives.

Despite the tolerance that we have won for various alternative lifestyles, the Master/slave lifestyle remains the victim of prejudice and fear.

Consider the fact that in the public areas of a Second Life community where my Master has his non-Gorean home, Skybeam Estates, kajira are forbidden to kneel according to community rules. Everyone else in the community is free to sit in any fashion they please but anyone with a collar around their neck and asserting a slave relationship is uniquely restricted and forced to maintain a standing or conventional sitting position.... a restriction on our lifestyle practice.

Imagine for one minute if the community placed a restriction on gay men holding hands. Would that not cause a huge public out-cry in the larger Second Life community? So why does restrictions on slaves kneeling not do so? I believe it is because those who wrote and support the ban on kneeling believe that I (and my sisters) will welcome "freedom" from kneeling and that they are doing us some service. They are not.

From the beginning of my collaring, my Master has had some concern that I might be hurt or shocked by the aggressiveness or crudity of some Gorean roleplayers. As of this date, that has never happened to me. But I was shocked one time by the agressiveness and crudity that some non-Goreans showed towards my Master and myself when we were simply shopping together and he had me on the leash (it helps to stay together in crowds). He was mocked in a way that made me cry (in RL) and women who said that they were feminists kicked me, spat at me and called me names.

John Norman, the author of the Gor novels was a psychologist in his professional life and he was convinced that all women are submissive by their genetic make up. I don't know whether he is right or not about this. I suspect he is wrong. Most science shows that sexual attitudes and identity exist along a continuum from homosexual to heterosexual orientation and I suspect that the same is true for dominance and submission.

Like homosexuality, dominance and submission exists in the animal world. Anyone who watches nature films has seen the dance of dominant males, the growling display of dominance, the bite on the neck of the female holding her down for the dominant male to sexually use her.

I only know that my sexual nature is like that. I need the dominant display of the male. I need to be wrestled to my knees and I need to feel the strong hand holding me to his sexual will. Otherwise... I am doomed to frigidity.

We used to think we could re-train homosexuals, that their orientation was an illness. Enlightened people have given up that idea. Is it not time that we gave up the same idea about M/s couples?

We used to fear that homosexuals were all interested in seducing young kids and equated their practices with some horrific abuses in the world. By the same token I have spoken to people who cite criminal activities involving the imprisonment, rape, subjugation and sexual slavery of girls around the world and who equate loving M/s relationships as being in some way similar, or encouraging or condoning these terrible practices. This is just simple prejudice and ignorance.

Let me be clear though that this doesn't mean my submission is playacting or not real. Once I have been Mastered, I submit to the will of the Master. There are no "safewords" to escape punishment or restrictions. And that will be the nature of the relationship as long as it continues to be one that works for him. But that is a choice I make based on my nature. Because I am a submissive woman I both crave to please him and crave to feel his Mastery over me, aroused by the kiss of his whip and even the possibility it will be used if I displease.

It is a choice made possible by political and economic freedoms. I am a feminist, a submissive and my Master's devoted slave.

Running towards the Master and not away

Most of the time my Master and I enjoy a relationship that is harmonious and joyous. I worship him and desire his male dominance with simmering sexuality and loving tender respectful regard. He returns affection and a protective attitude.

One of the rocky bits we have navigated occurred when the Master asked me to voice an opinion on an important issue. He was considering taking another girl on his chain. I was not emotionally prepared for this challenge (and am not sure I ever will be) and my Master and I had different views of the girl in question. The story doesn't really matter here. It was a painful time.

I was torn. I did not want to share my Master with this girl. But... and this was a HUGE issue for me.... I did not want to top my Master from the bottom by influencing his decision.

He demanded to know my thoughts and feelings so I told him that I would be hurt and miserable and really didn't know if I'd be able to handle it. He then decided not to collar the girl. However things he said and his actions in continuing to interact with the girl OOC made me feel that he was making a decision influenced by me.

I was torn in two. Now I realize that it IS possible for the Master to make a difficult decision that he might not like, without that decision being manipulated by me. He had taken my thoughts into account and decided the time was not right in my training to throw this challenge at me. He could have done so but it would have either broken my spirit or lost him his slave. Another time, another slave, he might not have cared. But he made his choice. He was grumpy about it and he did not need my blathering on about it, yet blather I did.

As my unhappiness grew and really my distrust in his decision, I thought that I had the power to reverse his decision, and that this is what I should do either by stretching my thinking to "allow" him to collar the girl or by running away so he could collar the girl ... the fact that he was grumpy and still seeing the girl convinced me he wanted her a lot.

Looking back I can see how totally screwed up my thinking was on this. The Master had made a decision. If he changed his mind and decided to collar the girl at a later date... he didn't need my change of heart to "allow" him to do it. The fact that he was continuing to see the girl did not indicate he still wanted to collar her necessarily... again all this muddy thinking was predicated on my belief that I had the kind of female power associated with an equal relationship.

I had a decision from my Master.... yet I continued to live in a constant state of worry... would he change his mind tomorrow? Should I act in some way?

Finally a terrible moment came when I visited the new beautiful home that my Master had recently purchased and I found him together with the girl in the same place we had recently shared. I was devastated! I felt, "that's it, he wants her".... and I cut my collar and ran from him for the only time in our relationship.

We both had a full 24 hours of HELL before we could talk to each other about it.

Master was furious with me for not accepting that his decision was his own and trusting that if he was acting in some way that affected me that he'd tell me with honesty and directness as befits a Gorean man of honour.

For my part I had been confused and hurt and still ruled by insecurities and fears.... so I ran away.

When my Master came to understand my heart, he knew I needed to learn something but it wasn't something that he could teach me via simple punishment.

Instead he led me through a powerful roleplay.

Master: The girl knew she was.... Completely, totally and utterly mine.... frowns... and she ran from me

Girl: She was frightened

Master: The place to be when frightened is at his feet. In the circle of his sword

Girl: She is prepared to be punished... and it may be needed

Master: I have been giving thought to this as I was deeply displeased

Girl: Understands. ... and is ready

Master: Frowning deeply his face hardens...

Girl: Would rather bear 20 lashes than a moment of distance from her Master
Girl: yet her female parts contract as she senses that punishment will indeed be administered and it will not be easy or light. She is ready for whatever her Master thinks is necessary to restore balance. Indeed eager ... sort of

Master: Grabs the girl and pulls her up by the hair. "Follow me, girl".

Girl: yes Master

The Master runs quickly across the night landscape of their island home. The girl runs to follow.

Girl: She wonders what he is doing...

The Master stops suddenly by a post at the end of a wave lashed remote rocky point of the island.... grabs the girl's hands and ties her to the post. She cannot see him as he walks away.

Girl : I want you to truly punish me and I want to truly feel it. I need it and you need it

Time passes

Gile: She cries.. awaiting punishment and yet bereft of it... alone and isolated

Girl (OOC): hmmm... well ... interesting... I guess to me this puts me back where I was in the poofing and just writing off SL plan

Time passes... still no response

Girl (OOC): Am I missing something? Why should I not just poof.

Master (OOC) : You will not poof. You may go if Rl makes it so other wise, you will hang on that post until I take you down. If Rl pulls you away, you may go but when you come back, you will return to that post

Time passes.

Girl: I am reflecting and if I can find a wrongness in what I did it is in worrying that your own judgement might not be equal to discerning that (X girl) does not care for you, in fact finds you beneath her... and so she felt assured you would be honoured to take her on your chain... when she vyed for you publicly and was not successful, her anger grew and she was determined to have revenge by triumphing over me.
Girl: And so she threatened me and still pursued you and yet you saw her as friend and injured party

Master: She is not here now and it is my intent to keep it that way. It is far too disruptive having her around so it is my will that she not be. Had I not said so? Did you not heed me?
You are my slave, no one else

Girl: Yet I would you know that she was not worthy or loving of you

Master: I decide who is worthy. I judge. You are within the bubble of my claim, care and love. I will have it no other way

Girl: and it was my own love of you that I could not really tell you that

Master: We could have worked all this out the same day you ran
Master: It is my will that you run to me, not away from me.

Girl: gulps... yes Master... this one runs to hide in a cave and cry... such is her experience

Master: We will change that.. You are MIne now

Girl: Master, this one will willingly serve you and your friend X if such is your will. I trust your judgement.

Master: If you run from the circle of my sword, you hurt us both. I am not concerned with the girl X. This is about us.

Master: A tear runs down his cheek, as he works, he deeply misses his girl

Girl: I am concerned that I worried about the Master's judgement about one I saw as dangerous. She weeps on the post knowing that her only fear was that there was a woman that would use the Master for her own goals and then mock him.

Master: looks about..... there is only you and I here now. I want you in my arms, I want to hold you and stroke your hair, I want to feel your body on mine and I can have none of it
Master: more tears run down his face

Girl: The girl struggles on the post unable to bear the pain of hearing her Master cry. "Master, forgive me.. this girl regrets her transgression" She begs to be schooled by the Master. She is new to his desires and how to please him

Master : thinks she is learning an important lesson at this very moment

Girl: She is jealous and fearful at times. She is willing to be schooled by the Master in this way

Master: I give her no other choice

Girl: Indeed you could have fed me to the sleen

Master: I would have been deeply hurt by the loss
Master: If you did not have value to me, you would not wear my collar now

Girl: When I came into our bright dream and found my bitterest enemy here with you, It stabbed me through my heart

Master: You should have run to me. You are mine and I will do what I can for you. When you run, you leave us both helpless

Girl: I only want you to be well and happy and safe

Master: Through communication, we gain insight and can make changes with the understanding that comes from the knowing of the others mind

Girl:... but I will not relent from saying that girl does not love or like you... she is just trying to win some stupid contest. She threatens me to try to make me back off.

Master: She has lost and is not here... do you not see?

Girl: I never entered into a contest. It was all her imaging

Master: I closed the contest quite some time ago

Girl: Yet I worried for you and for us

Master: She has gained nothing buy what she has done

Girl : Because she saw you as a pawn for her manipulation, and I saw you as my King

Master: We on the other hand shall come out of this stronger, wiser and ever more dedicated to each other
Girl: She was contemptuous of my love for you in one moment, and vying for you in the next
How should I not be angry and upset with her for that?

Master: Who hangs on her Masters post this day? .... and who walks in places unknown?

Girl : Your home, your hand, your body, your will.... is sacred to me

Master: Who have I claimed as My own?

Girl: this girl

Master: Who lives within the circle of my sword?

Girl: this girl

Master: Who is my choosen girl?

Girl: this girl

Girl: Thank you, Master for your wisdom

Master: Come to me

He took me down from the post and into his arms.

Restoring the balance

Why do I think that women (or at least this one) sometimes needs a strong hand on her? Well disagreements happen, no matter how much she might be trying and how much love exists on both sides. And she is going to fail to please in some way or other. Sometimes it will be hard for her to admit that she is wrong or has made a mistake. I know I sometimes find things unjust and can't accept that it is not my place to judge what is fair. But someone has to be the boss in a relationship and it just causes a lot of trouble if the woman doesn't readily accept her Master's judgement and feels she can question. And sometimes the Master who has let something past with a warning other times, will finally feel that the time has come to curb an undesirable behaviour. If there isn't a stern punishment she may not understand it is important, and clearly the gentle reprimands have not yielded results. Better to make it clear this must stop than mar or end the relationship.

In most male/female relationships issues will go on and on, with each blaming the other, feeling hard done by and hearts hardening. It is all such a waste of energy and time. If a man is angry with his woman, he should be able to express that anger directly in the way that men dominate women. It can be a sudden turning over the knee, or a cold warning to go and wait for him as he intends to punish her so be ready in the appropriate position (however the Master determines is the best way to punish her. -- I actually think that a place and position for punishment help memory of punishment. Just assuming the position brings back all the other times of punishments and a review of the behaviour that has her here naked and displayed for beating-- and waiting. Being sent to a special room where punishment is meted out again causes the girl to review past misbehaviour and to understand where a pattern of misbehaviour needs to be mended. Why am I here again?

Alternatively, for me, being suddenly turned over the knee and spanked in the middle of an argument or after a slip of some sort, brings me up short, shuts me up and restores balance... but it isn't really strong punishment... it is just a reminder... sometimes it can end in laughter by both, although sometimes it can be more than expected by either when it is needed. And a firm hand on a bare bottom says to a woman, "if you behave like a child, I will treat you like a child" and that is humbling in itself and usually results in more mature decorum in future.

While a spanking can be a bit mingled with fun, when it is serious it is something that makes me cold and quiverey... and the waiting is about the worst. While I have very occasionally been whipped or switched, I feel that the sexiest, the most intimate punishment tool, (apart from a bare hand) is the Master's belt. (other devices can seem contrived or distancing.) The sound of the unbuckling and removing is associated with something very different but the woman who needs to be taught a lesson knows it will not be pleasure that is coming. There is a feeling between her legs as she hears the belt removed like a dog tucking in it's tail. She submits to be chastised as she is his slave.

When is enough enough? Punishment ends for one of three reasons. The Master has inflicted enough punishment that he feels done with the anger. With each stroke he has verbally made his displeasure known. The pain is associated with the lesson needing to be learned. Satisfied with his work the Master is ready to forgive and take her into his arms again. He feels the punishment is enough. (But the wise Master does not do this until there are humble apologies, acknowledgement of wrongdoing, acceptance of punishment.) Or, the woman's sincere tears and humble begging of forgiveness touch his heart and the Master chooses to let her off lightly as she seems truly sorry. His heart is touched by her contrition. It is well to give a couple of lashes after the apology as it will sear it into memory for her by taking her just a hair beyond her breaking point. Afterall she has made the Master go to the work of punishing her, an irritating disruption in his day.

The last reason for ending punishment, I think would be the rarest: this is the case where the punishment will be damaging if continued but the Master is still angry, the girl unrepentent, or not repentent enough. Both acknowledge that the matter isn't settled and there will have to be continued work to get the girl to accept that she has been wrong. She will be caged or chained to prevent running or any harm. Her punishment will be continued in another form and she will not know love or comfort until she is ready to seek forgiveness.

But most of the time when all is otherwise well in the relationship, a punishment clears the air quickly and whatever confused feelings in the woman become simplified and focused into pleasing. She is reassured that she cannot win power and that judgements are clear, rules are clear...etc. She may become very aroused as a side effect of the adrenalin rush from pain. The Master is no longer angry, the slave is relieved of guilt/shame because she has been punished and both feel restored as Master/slave. It can be a time of deep bonding. Often the Master's words are a surprise to the girl... only the act of punishment allows him to pour out his sadness and disappointment at her behaviour. She is ashamed of causing him the pain and grateful to learn the specifics of her fault. If the punishment session has been intense, the slave might need some time to bathe and prepare to pleasure her Master though...for the effects to wear off, be integrated. You don't want her still dazed. Let her bathe and come to you later. Take her in your arms and caress the places where you have reminded her that you will not allow her to get the upper hand. Drawing these contrasts between caresses, sexual pleasure and punishment deepens her sense of you as Master. It is quite unlike BDSM which confuses the two, (something I am just understanding.)

Weight of Collar Moment

Note to my Master:

Recently I logged on twice and had "weight of collar" experiences.

When I logged on and a woman of Earth who was neither FW or kajira was visiting with you it was a good first step to kneel to a female friend of yours whom I liked and trusted. Yet I still simmered in the background with a sense of humiliation at kneeling to a woman whom you were treating as an equal while I was kneeling on the floor. Very hard for me, but I did it and felt like I had passed a small test of obedience, giving you more power.

Very soon afterwards I logged on and someone I was battling jealous feelings about, as I knew you had been close for sometime and I did not know her well, was sitting in the throne beside you and I almost poofed... but did not, because it would displease you ... it felt erotically charged to control my competitive feelings and treat her with respect... because I had no other choice as your slave. I was sorry she poofed because I wanted to demonstrate how obedient I could be to your will. I am intrigued by this .... I think that the idea that you have relationships with women of higher status is challenging to my limits... but the subtle stretching of those limits, the mild flush of humiliation on my cheeks worked in some small way to bring me safely to the edge again. ... where many more delicious possibilities dwell I might add! What is lost in status is much less valuable than the flowering of my femininity in response to your Mastery.

Seeing the Master and Mistresses chairs set out and having you suggest that you would have me dance for company has had me thinking about dancing lines for a gathered group and imagining myself roleplaying erotic dance lines with a group, and thinking about the scripted silks that allow for me to be stripped (almost) by anyone viewing the dance. I wanted to say, "No I only dance for you" ... well no... I really didn't go that far in my mind but I thought "I hope that it will only be people we know"... I was definitely made nervous by the suggestion.

But then.... I knew that I WOULD do as you asked. I WOULD make you proud.... and not only that but that it would be erotically exciting to have my Master compel me to dance for others despite any nervousness. I would feel the tug of the leash pulling me onto the dance floor, the steel in your eyes imposing your will and your hand on the whip ready to make it a whip dance.

For me the edge is always about you imposing your will on me, or punishing me when I fail in some way. And what that will might be is now and has always been frequently a surprise and that is what makes it an edge and keeps it fresh.