Does one ever graduate from slavery?

A provocative question.

Lately my Master has not had time for me. He's not been well, he's over-worked but.... this girl senses that she's not as high in his priorities as she once was. How I feel about that changes with the day and the hour. My feelings for him remain loving. I worry about him, then feel a bit of a pulling back of that worry as I wonder if the illness is but an excuse for him taking a break from SL while he thinks things over.

A hot kajira is a terrible thing to waste, and yet this girl has been in limbo for weeks, neither released nor called to the furs nor used in any way.

I review my shortcomings as a kajira and the missteps we took along the way in our mutual path. As a new kajira with an experienced Master, I was unready for some of the challenges he gave me and balked and rebelled and broke at times under them. I worry that by the time I was ready and fully opened to his Mastery his whip hand was so weary he started to give up. I don't know.

These musings do not lead to understanding. Only my Master's words can do that.

In the meantime I find myself thinking about the uncertain future. What if I am released? Where will I go? What will I do?

More and more as I confront these thoughts I find myself feeling that I may have learned what I needed to learn from this aspect of myself. While I would willingly stay in this beloved collar for a longtime, a lifetime, I do not love the collar for it's own sake but only the Master whose name is on the collar. If he chooses to release me, I will walk a solitary path of reflection and healing, not rush like a crushed thing to another shelter.

The Master's Couch is his domain

The girl has been welcomed onto the Master's couch often lately and she had grown accustomed to the comfort there, coming to think of it as "their" bed and the place beside her Master as her rightful place.

One evening the Master made a point of chastising her for not following closely enough and so she was being very attentive at his boots, not letting him get further than a few yards before hurrying to his boots, while also staying out of his way, discerning whether she should be behind him or at his boots awaiting command.

In this mode of thinking, she made a mistake that the Master would have to discipline her for to break her from a bad habit of thinking. She followed him to his couch and as he flopped down in exhaustion, she crept into his arms unbidden. The Master gave a hearty laugh. "Comfortable are you my girl?"

"Oh yes, Master" said the bold girl as she snuggled into the Master's furs.

Suddenly she felt two fingers jammed between neck and collar and her face turned forcefully to gaze into the Master's burning eyes. She tried to look away but it was impossible. She was held fast and transfixed.

"Did I ask you into my furs, girl?"

"No, Master. The girl was only trying to follow as bidden".

"And where is your place to follow, girl?"

"At your boots, Master"

"I see girl that you know your place. Yet you have willfully ignored it. Is that true, girl?""

"No, Master. The girl did not mean to do so?"

"Which is it, girl? You either do not know your place, in which case I must give you a great deal of time under the whip to re-train you as you must be slipping badly. Or, you know your place but saucily chose to ignore it which means you must be punished for this transgression. Tell me which is the case? Because I see a kajira in my furs uninvited and I demand the explanation."

The girls face scrunched into a little ball of confusion and her eyes filled with tears. Try as she might she knew she had no option than to admit she was in the wrong.

Quietly she said, "I know my place Master. I forgot for a minute. The girl has grown too used to being in the Master's furs."

The Master's face softened a little at her humble manner and honest admission.

"Girl it is my fault also, as your Master. I do love to cuddle my little kajira bear in the furs. You are warm in the winter chill. But I see the error in my ways that you are losing discipline. You must remember your place, or others will teach you more harshly, should you be forgetful."

Still holding the girls collar, the Master roughly pushed her from his couch with one boot, swiftly with a practiced businesslike manner the Master tied the girls wrists to a slave ring at the foot of his couch, putting one foot on the small of her back, he raised her hindquarters in to the submissive pose, head down, hindquarters raised. Running his hands over the lines of her body, secured to the slave ring, he sighed with pleasure at her bearing.

"Ah girl, how it pleases your Master to have such a beautiful beast as you tied to the foot of my couch, perhaps I shall leave you like this nightly, what do you say girl?"

The girl's face was pushed to the furs, voice partially gagged and unhappy in her predicament, words did not come quickly.

The Master chuckling decides that his girl needs some focus for her submissive response and taking out his small slave whip and straddling her back striped her hindquarters swiftly with a few sharp cracks.

"What do you say girl? Do you like being at the foot of your Master's couch?"

"Yes, Master!!! Yes!" the girl exclaimed.

"Ah, that's better, mine. I am glad you like it as that is where you will stay, tonight".

And with that the Master heaved himself back into his sleeping furs, pulled his wrappings about him and chuckled softly a few times at the discomfiture of his girl who was learning a needed lesson on the cold floor, and would be all the sweeter in his arms in future nights. He missed her, but he was a Master and would do without her warmth so that his slave would not grow spoiled.

When he released her, he would be watching her manner carefully. He expected that she would be more exacting, careful and cautious. This one had spirit and so needed... and craved... frequent reminders of his power and the respect he demanded. She knew that she had two choices, give him what he demanded or take her chances when he grew tired of her... a new Master who might be worse, or death if she angered her Master too much. The Master knew she wanted to live and knew she wanted him as her Master, hungered for him, and so she would learn her lesson.

The couch was the Masters and he would share it when he willed, how he willed, and a girl should never presume that a place by his side was hers.

Feeling unwanted and lonely is a hard test for a girl

Recently I came to my Master and I just seemed to irritate him and be in the way as his mind was on other things: building, preparing things for roleplay, etc. That's been happening a fair bit recently and I have in the past had a tendency to panic and cling and write desperate missives. All of which just makes him more irritated and exhausted with me. So what to do?

Well I neither want to push it, nor appear to go off in a snit. Not only would either action be pointless, my heart is not in it. Either he wants me or he doesn't and time will tell.

There are a few things I need to work on both for us and for other projects of mine, so my plan is just to focus on stuff I need to get done in both worlds, try to keep in a happy frame of mind and feel like I am giving him one of the biggest gifts that a kajira (who has nothing material) can give a Master--the gift of some space away from his girl.

It's a very hard thing for a loving girl to do.

A Master knows when a kajira is paying attention

A Master sees his girl busy in the kitchen preparing food for his table and sees that her nipples revealed through her camisk are flaccid and relaxed. His brow furrows. He steps behind the girl and under her camisk, cupping one of her ripe melons in his hand and teasing the nipple to attention.

"Girl, are you thinking of your Master and how you are serving your Master with your work?"

"Yes, Master" the girl stammers.

The Master teases her nipple further and switches to give the other breast the same attention. With his other hand, he explores the girl's heat and the hard pear of her womb jumps in responsiveness.

"Do you need to feel the Master's rod between your legs girl, to remind you that you are owned?"

The girl's face flushes, her eyes hood and she moans, "this one longs to please the Master".

The Master laughs and gives her rump a swift hard slap, "You are serving me, girl by making me dinner. This is your pleasure, is it not, to serve?"

"Yes, Master" the girl says, a little disappointed.

"Then let me see the evidence of your delight in serving. I expect to see your face shining and the evidence of your pleasure in serving in your posture and the way your nipples rise as you think about your service. The evidence of your devotion in little things will make me want to plow your valley and fill you with my pleasure at your service. Understand girl?" and with a smart swot to her backside the Master sends the slave back to the hearth.

The female submissive responds instinctively to the presence of her Master with erect nipples. It is something that is hard to suppress or to falsify. Therefore the wise Master keeps his girls' breasts bared as much as possible or takes care to dress them in fabric that reveals the perky state of his slaves' buds. While attention may ebb and flow with concentration to work, a Master needs to attend to a girl who shows little responsiveness in his presence. Her submission and responsiveness is lagging and she needs to be brought to the edge again by whatever means his knowledge of her, skills and preferences as a Master dictates.

The Point of Tears

There is a point on my Master's island that is called "The Point of Tears" and it has a special significance and a deep allegorical meaning that is connected the the deliberate double entendre of "the point of tears".

If the island is the sphere in which our M/s relationship exists, it is a realm of beauty, play, grace, and also a place in which we greet friends as ourselves, in our roles as Master and slave. When there is struggle, there is not very far to run on an island and there is not that far for a Master to send a girl away from him.

The Point of Tears is an isolated point of the island with nothing but a post and rings to chain a girl who thinks to run, or whom the Master has found displeasing and who needs some time away from him to see how that feels.

Although it sounds like a scary, sad place... and it is... it holds good memories for me.

Once, long ago now, I thought to run from my Master because I had come to.... the point of tears. My heart was breaking because I thought he loved someone else more than me, breaking because I didn't think I was strong enough to share his love without worrying everyday, all the time that I would lose his love entirely. I thought I would disappoint him. I thought I would crack. I simply could not take the hurt anymore. So I ran, and ran, and ran.

My Master found me hiding from him and he was very displeased as I was his and he had not sent me away. I had no right to run from him. And I wanted him to gather me up and take him in his arms and tell me all would be well. He did for a minute. Then his face darkened and he led me to the Point of Tears, stripped me and chained me to the post through a night.

In the distance I heard my Master begin to sob because he was lonely for his girl and could not have her because she had run from him. For some time I struggled on the post and tried to yell out to my Master all my reasons and justifications for running, why it was best I go really. He would not hear me.

I ran out of words. I only wanted to be in his warmth and hold his head on my breast again. We couldn't solve anything on remote ends of the island. I wanted to be let off the post and threatened to poof, leave Second Life. My Master said that was my choice but if I was on his island I would always return to that post, nowhere else, until he let me down.

That's when I realized the post was my anchor point. My Master would never let me flee him further than the post. I would stay there until I realized I was his and that he would be the one to decide when he no longer needed the girl. I didn't have to worry about it anymore, just be as pleasing to him as I could, and pleasing him is not work but my joy.

As soon as my tide of thought turned with the morning, the Master explained that worries and fears were the time to flee to him, not to meet them in the loneliness of places like the Point of Tears. I had learned my lesson well and the Master gathered me into his arms.

Now I like to go and stand by the post sometimes and think about the tenderness with which my Master reclaimed me from the post, dried my tears and gathered his wayward, frightened girl back into his arms.

The place of discipline

My Master has been rebuilding his home and in so doing he felt the time had come to think about the basement area that has served assorted needs, among them a place to send the girl when she was disciplined. The new design of the space will be partitioned rather than one open space that previously existed. In talking about the design, we spoke about the impact of spaces on the psychology of the slave.

In considering this I realized that space and atmosphere (dank cavern, cage, post in the village square) made little difference to me in affecting my mood when subject to discipline, rather it was the state of mind, the actions, the timing.

Why is it both incredibly scary and incredibly exciting (all at once and mixed together) to have my Master take me to a place where I know I will likely be subject to his discipline?

In exploring this mystery, my mind wandered back to the dysfunctional way men and women sometimes argue with each other. What happens when a woman crosses the line with a man she loves? More than likely he storms away slamming the door after him. She doesn't know if he has left for good. She cries. She feels abandoned. She may feel angry and not listened to. No understanding is achieved. She is unlikely to seek within herself as to how she might have handled things differently. She is too preoccupied with pain, loss, dread, confusion, anger.

Alternatively if her lover snaps, looses control (the opposite of Mastery) and lashes out physically at her, this will simply shock and hurt her. It will be too much violence with no rationale, and she will shut down, confident that she is in the right. He is the villain in the piece. Spousal abuse is NOT Mastery.

In either case, if they make up later, they may have passionate make-up sex clinging to each other, so happy that the argument hasn't destroyed the passion at their heart, but has any real communication happened. Has any power balance that needed to shift happened? No. The pitfall is still there and they will stumble on it again in future.

Arguments arise at the fault lines in relationships. Like faults in the earths plates, lava bubbles to the surface with steam and heat. It is the place where two individuals meet unyielding obstacles in each other and earthquakes ensue. Ultimately, one plate must slide over the other. One must yield.

Our differences create the energy between us, the polarities for the sparks of fun, sensuality, passion. Having none would be boring. Taking that energy to the edge but not beyond is an art, a dance, a dangerous sport. It is not something that can be achieved in the dark, not something that can be done without words to each other.

My Master bids me to be myself and so I will be. I love him very much and sometimes a sudden glimpse of him very instinctively brings me to my knees without as much as thinking, eager to please and serve him. I really want to please. I cherish my time with him and honour what he is to me, my Master.

But sometimes aspects of who I am irritates him and I will try this way and that to get on a different track, to achieve my objective in another way that doesn't get him cross, only to make him angrier yet. I am lost, off the path and need a strong hand to guide me back.

Other times something in me makes me run at the rock that is him with all my force, knowing I am headed for trouble but I can't seem to stop myself not because of lack of control but simply because my ego or emotional needs are on a collision course with my Master's and until that plays out, there will be no peace for me or him.

If reason and talking could sort it out, we'd never have difficulties as we are intelligent and communicative people. But sometimes motivations, needs, fears and irrational worries are deeply buried and control us against our own best interests. These are places where in an equal relationship, long struggles that potentially would poison or end love occur. A partner throws up his or her hands and leaves.

A Master will have none of it.

When I see that my Master will have none of it, something in my heart jumps for joy. At the same time I tremble because I know I am in for a hard lesson and I am not sure what it will be or how hard it will be for me to truly bend to my Master's will in the matter. I know that faking it is not possible. Whatever happens next... in the next few minutes, or over the next several days... I know that he is determined that when he is done with me I will be returned to my knees as his loving slave. He will accept no lessor outcome.

A Master is not going to walk out the door permanently or lose his temper and abuse a slave senselessly. A kajira is a treasure like a beautiful bonsai to be shaped by a combination of love, nurture and firm steel. Instead of childish emotional outbursts, he will use his many skills as a Master and his knowledge of his girl to explore and root out the behaviour that is causing distress. He is going to force me to listen and understand his preferences and in the course of this exploration we will not only learn much about each other but the interplay of the energies and the transfer of power will be deliciously erotic and intense at times.

The collision energies build to a peak and the girl sees from the look in the Master's eyes, a tone of voice, a sudden hand gesture, or a dismissal that he has had enough and that her efforts to curb the behaviour (if she has) have not been enough. It is then that he moves suddenly or as quickly as possible in the circumstances to remove her from her place at his boots. She is bound or chained or caged away from him. And that is the key thing about her condition as a precursor of punishment. She is taken away from him for a time. This breaks the cycle of collision. She has nothing to rail at, no one to protest or cry or query or complain to. There is only silence and the place where she is comfined.

What is the attitude of the angry, hostile woman? Arms crossed over breasts, she will cover the sensitive buds that her male Master knows will bend her to his will. Her stance is sideways, tall, proud, turning her sex away from the Master's cock, fending him off with a hip. This is the natural pose an angry woman adopts.

The slave to be punished is secured in an attitude that the Master assesses will make her feel the most vulnerable and disabuse her of her destructive delusion that she can control him in any way. For me, not being able to see clearly what the Master might do focuses my attention in both a calming and erotic way, like hooding a hawk. Bending me over a bench, head away, my hair cascading over my face, the Master secures my feet apart, my hands stretched forward. It is a position where I might be sexually used, spanked or whipped on back and legs. My breasts hang freely and I can not cover them. My head is lower than my behind, in the position of the submissive pup. It is one of several positions that I might be left to wonder what will happen next.

At this point the Master may have the time and inclination to begin to work with the girl immediately, but he may think it best to think for awhile. The sight of his girl bound and quivering, tugging futilely at her bonds, perhaps still in the heat of her anger making futile curses at him, is an amusing and delightful challenge to the Masterly instinct in him. He loves to see her fire and looks forward to how she will soon buck under him. He smiles at her flashing angry eyes but thinks that they do look slightly more pretty, heavy-lidded and adoringly glancing up at him with her mouth wide open around his cock. Moving over to the bound girl, the Master traces the beautiful curve of her flesh from her shapely neck, down her back, glistening with faint drops of sweat from her anger and fear. He cups the round of her firm bottom and sees the cheeks clench involuntarily in their familiarity with the force of his discipline.

With one hand he explores the condition of her heat, tight, dry, only one finger pries into her. With the other hand he takes the coiled whip from his belt and allows her to feel the coil as he rubs it over her back. As she feels the whip's closeness, the girl trembles and the Master notices her heat moistening, loosening, opening to him. This is the sign of a girl ready and eager for the Master's discipline, becoming receptive and ready to have her wrong attitudes stripped from her and to listen and learn new obedient behaviours. Her pussy relaxes to take as much of the Master's hand he chooses to use to force her chamber while he thumbs and twists her nipples into a state of gratifying attention.

From this starting attitude of readiness and attention the Master will begin, now, or at his leisure to probe the fault line in his girl. He will ask her questions. Wrong answers will be punished. Displays of rebellion will often be dispersed by taking the girl sexually during the session. Sex is both a reward and a reminder that she is owned at these times. He will reveal his own thoughts on the matters. The girl will emerge knowing that the Master's will on these issues cannot be challenged. It will not be a matter of a daily painful choice to "try" to do what pleases him. She simply will be convinced body and soul that this is an issue that is not winnable. Sometimes she may even learn things about why the issue is important to her Master... things she was not ready to listen to any other way that changes her heart and mind through understanding. She need not be broken to obey. In any case, the problem is vanquished.

She is returned to her knees, his loving slave again. She has learned more of him and he of her. There may be other challenges but this one will not plague them again . . . or at least. . . if there is a relapse, the understanding is there to curb it quickly.

There is only so long you can dance or write solo

My writing output has been sputtering to a halt lately because for me the most important audience member I have for these writings is my own Master and whether because of busyness or because I have become boring and non-spontaneous to him... I seem to be too reflective, or to wish for more planning sometimes... he has been absent.

He is my inspiration and without him, there is nothing to write about.

The other day I asked him how I could please him and he told me just to be myself. On one hand that was such a nice and affirming thing to say and I am sure he meant it as such. We submissives bring personality, a mind, opinions, and talents to the M/s relationship for sure.

But what attracts us to a Master is that we sense that we need and want to be shaped to his pleasure. We don't want to fight the man that has won our hearts and brought us to our knees. We give up freedom to no longer live in suspense about when we have pleased or displeased, how we may serve, what we can strive to do better. We expect to be told clearly.

A Master who is no longer interested in doing that, has released us ... in his heart, by his actions, whether the formalities have been done or not.

My leash dangles from my collar without a tug. I hope to feel his strong hand again. But for the moment I feel sad, lost, rudderless.. and gentle readers... have nothing to write about.

Kajira, from a Master's perspective

I came across an excellent post from a Gorean Master today. I could not agree more with his description of the relationship between Master and slave, and as I read the words I thought that they could have been written by my Master as they were deeply in tune with his thoughts as I understand them.

(excerpted)

"If I were to be asked to describe a kajira in as few words as possible, asked to sum up the whole concept of a Gorean slave in two words, I would say: a treasure. To me, a slave is something to be valued, to be fussed over and adored, as well as to be served by. A kajira is property, is owned by her Master; once she wears his collar, she is his heart body and soul, which is why it is important that both Master and slave be sure of what they want before the collar clicks closed. . . ."

Great piece!

Kajira from a Master's Perspective.

The scent and aura of a well-mastered girl

Lately I have been noticing that I am getting along with the men in all aspects of my life much better than before and the only thing that I can think of that has changed is that I have been Mastered.

I don't believe my overt behaviour has changed but obviously something has. I have a theory about that. While most men intellectually do not have a problem with the equality of women, they have a strong biological imperative to reproduce. To impregnate as many women as possible they have evolved as stronger and larger and their hormones make them want to dominate women and they have a deep expectation that women will bend to their sexual wills. Women that are sexually dominant or equal, challenge them at a level far below the conscious mind. It unsettles them and they want to "put that woman in her place". I think that they might have to create rationales for their dislike, ascribing negative labels to the woman that may well be unfair. I expect that has happened to me on occasion.

But now I walk in the world knowing that I am totally owned and submissive to a man who is my Master. I am so conditioned as his sub that I cannot think of him without wanting to kneel. I can't think of him without feeling his hands on me and his cock plowing me. I cannot lick my lips without tasting his rod.

There may be subtle changes in my demeanor. If I caught a man looking at my boobs before I would have tended to flash an angry look. Now my response is to be pleased that I am female and I don't find the glance offensive but a bit of a compliment. If I respond at all it will be to blush a little and to adjust my posture to one of more grace. Before if a male boss or superior corrected me, I might flash anger or hostility at him. Now I have a response like a Master spanking me. I take the correction with appropriate shame that it needs to be administered and I am sincere in my apology and wish to do better in future. I affirm the power in the hand that wields various whips in the world.

Don't get me wrong, I have not become a tart or a flirt. Nor am I easy to push around in areas where I have rightly earned respect. My nature has not radically changed. But I believe I now no longer threaten men at a subliminal level. Although our human socialization means that unlike Gor men do not have permission to take any woman that they can Master, I am now one that exudes and communicates the message that I am Mastered. I am tamed. This is pleasing, harmonious and soothing to the nature of most men who are conditioned to be sexually dominant. Feeling the truth of my submissive nature, they no longer see my achievements or leadership in other areas to be threatening to their rightful place within the human pack.

I am female, submissive and know my place in the human pack, following my Master, in his shadow and covered by his strong self.

Settling down a confused kajira

As I fussed a lot about my thoughts on what it meant to be punished without just cause, worried about my Master's distrust and felt that there might be a growing rift, I paced back and forth restlessly in my Master's house, trying this way and that to approach him, to restore what was. He grew increasingly irritated as he was trying to simply enjoy a meal in peace.

With a grunt, he thew aside the bone he was knawing on, shoved the table to the side and approached me swiftly. With one hand on my hair, he pushed me into the position of the submissive bitch on all fours, then reached and bent one arm painfully behind me.

He let go of my hair only long enough to unlace himself and pull up my camisk. Before I could think a coherent thought his maleness was deep inside me, painfully penetrating me in the absence of any advance preparation, moisture or heat.

He said little to me as he took me swiftly, but I gentled slowly under the relentless pounding of his cock. He furiously and passionately reminded me that I was his, that he found me desirable, and that he would have me when and how he pleased. He came into me with a yowl of the triumphant animal. Jumping up, he casually booted me over onto my back and collapsed into my arms where I covered him with the kisses and tears of the repented kajira that understands who her Master is.

Sometimes it is just that easy to restore what is true.

Praise from a Master

"You were perfect!" said the Master, after the girl had been supporting and serving him in a roleplay.

My heart leaped in my chest and I glowed with pride. It was such a very little accomplishment and yet his words meant so much to me.

Why?

I think it is that a Master has no reason to praise dishonestly or manipulatively. His praise is only freely given to a girl who has really deserved it. And praise from my Master is hard won. He is exacting, hard to please and most often finds room for improvement even when noting progress.

In a world filled with so much dishonesty and flattery it is precious to be nourished with a few drops of genuine praise.

I will work all the harder to earn such happiness, and of course it opens me further to accept his shaping of the girl, submit to his will in all things.

I have some sense that he is assessing my readiness for a new challenge, to take me to a new level of obedience. I really want him to stretch me and to start breaking down any walls that displease him. I hope that having proved myself a bit to him recently will convince him that I am ready for him to step up my training again.

The Emotions of a Gorean Master

Gorean Masters are far from unfeeling Stoics. They live life to the fullest taking joy in life, love, food, sex, the thrill of battle, the love of homestone, appreciation for the beauty of nature.

Why is it then that the custom in SL Gor seems to be for Gorean Masters to not show emotion when their most cherished slaves are lost to them, or they fear might be lost? Masters devote a lot of time, thought, emotion and energy into the selection, collaring, and training of a kajira. It therefore seems natural to me that both IC and OOC, they would be distraught if a girl that they valued were to be lost, or another Master challenged them for a girl's ownership.

Gorean Masters weep openly when sad and then pick themselves up and do what needs to be done. This is strength. Weakness is being afraid to express true emotions. A girl should not confuse the fact that her Master weeps in contemplating her loss with an ability to "top from the bottom". He will weep but still do what he wills.

Hearing my Master cry with sadness at something I did was the worst thing in the world to me, and I pity those girls whose Masters do not openly share their emotions. Making my Master sad is worse than any beating or restriction. It is total failure in my job of giving my Master exquisite beauty, absolute obedience and ecstatic pleasure.

When the Master is sad

It is a rainy day when the Master is sad. Even if the Master says that it is nothing the girl has done and nothing she can do, still she is sad.

In her sadness, she must take care not to be a nuisance, not to press. The Master will tell her if she can serve. At times like this being provocative and sexually teasing may well just annoy the Master. Best to offer quiet service, beauty and loving comfort.

Today I bring a warm footbath with floated petals of flowers and soothing oils. While the Master sits disconsolately I wait for the merest nod and hand gesture to signal me to bend over into boot-jack position, taking one boot at a time between my legs, the Master pushes on my backside to remove his boots, sometimes sending the girl sprawling.

I take his feet one by one lovingly and gently and place them in the foot bath to soak before beginning to bath, massage and attend to each foot tenderly. I think about my love following him in every footfall, so that my service becomes erotically charged with submitting my all to this humble act.

Simply acts of body service for my Master are as sweet to this girl as pleasure in the furs and more comfort to the Master when he is feeling poorly.

That "Mastered" moment

As a slave I never know when it is going to happen, nor how, nor really why.... I only know as surely as the sun will rise that it will!

There will be a moment ... or several... in any interaction with my Master where his mastery of this girl will be felt suddenly and thoroughly through her being as surely as if she were chained to a post and being bosk-whipped.

It is the moment when I feel my own vulnerability and submission. It is often at a moment when I don't know what might happen next.

It might be like this:

The Master looks hard at me and says a reproving word and then smiles.

"What kind of a smile is it?" I wonder. His hard look makes me shiver. In an instant I feel gut-wrenching fear of abandonment and my stomach clenches, I feel that I may have earned a whipping and my tail tucks in with an instinctual motion that tilts the pelvis and tightens the labia as though to repel a rape but actually squeezes the clit causing a spasm of sexual excitement coursing through the girl to reduce her to the state of a trembling leaf. I know that my only hope is to please him ... I need to please him... there is dampness in my heat. My nipples harden under the sheer fabric of my camisk and I look up at him with a look of total female submission to his will.

The triumphant Master looks down at me trembling at his boots... depending on his mood... satisfied to see his affect on me but with purposeful regard to impress his Mastery more upon the girl, approval and amusement to see that I have responded totally to him, or with playfulness and a wish to be pleasured by the girl who is quivering at his boots. And ready to pleasure him I will be ... the intensity is there because he has--once again--found my slave heart and made it skip a beat.

A tone of voice, a gesture, a phrase, a sudden unexpected tug of the leash, a dispassionate instruction, a hand gesture into a position..... who knows what Masterly surprise will trigger the slave's sudden convulsive tug to obedience. But triggered it will be.

Dreamer and dream

Dreamwalker you prowled like a panther in the land of slumber
Capturing mirrored light of meteor showers in your golden eyes
It was the time of late summer restless stirring in my dreams,
Falling falling through the nightsky and into your dreamscape

You held out your bright globe of captured dreams like a beacon
Catching the essence of my falling star above the ocean of oblivion
You peered with curiousity at the galaxy of soul dust swirling within
Gently you cupped a hand upon the globe and warmed the life within

Lucid dreamer with a captive dream, you shaped me
A dreaming soul birthed to a body of pure light
Constrained by iron and learning the steel of your will
I am your dream and grow into the shape of your imagining

More than one on a chain

Further thoughts on jealousy, chain sisters, mastery of more than one:

Every individual that is involved in roleplay in the Gor, I believe has to ask themselves why they are there. Are they there to examine the truths of their real selves? Then they want to roleplay in a context that to some extent resonates with their own deep truths and who they are. Or are they are they amused by playing a role in the context of the often inconsistent rules of a manufactured society? In that case they will enjoy trying on many different roles and the more preposterous the situation, the more fun for them.

Knowing why you are here will determine how seriously you take it all and to what extent you are prepared to accept things that run counter to inner truths.

Like others, I am attracted to Gor because some of what Norman writes about the submissive nature of women speaks deeply to my erotic imagination and rings true about the way in which I am attracted to men.... or not. I crave Mastery in order to open fully and sexually to a man. I won't settle for less. In fact I demand it by being a very, very strong woman that will break any man that doesn't keep me on a short leash. In many ways I am an alpha female and I seek the alpha male. I can explore this role in Gor or elsewhere. The relationship comes first, the roleplay is a very distant second for me.

Men understand the deep biological competitiveness that they feel over the possession and dominance of women. Sometimes they fail to see and understand that women -- who can have much fewer off-spring than men--are even more biologically driven to compete. Let's realistically understand that there is a deep biological urge to have the sperm of the strongest and the brightest to father one's own children. This is not an impulse that is conducive to women lovingly and easily sharing a Master's penis. Human children take a long time to grow up. Women want the strong warrior and mighty hunter to only have to protect and feed THEIR children.

BUT you say... Gorean slaves don't have children, and ... further... this is "just" Second Life. True but submission itself is recognized by Norman and broadly in Gorean thought as coming a deep biological need relating to the genetic imperative of women. We know that the excitement of submission, the thrill of Mastering a quivering, responsive female fuels the sexual tension of Gorean roleplay... despite the premise of slave infertility. We enjoy the way the roleplay taps into that sensual energy. I think it is only commonsense to understand that the same roleplay will also trigger the territorial and competitive programming in all of us.

If you are not deeply engaged at an emotional and physical level in experiencing all the joys and pain of the Master/slave relationship then I truly fail to understand the appeal of the roleplay... but certainly if it is just a game to you then sharing a chain will not be hard for you. For the rest of us, it will likely be extremely difficult.

Am I saying that it is impossible to Master more than one? No. I am saying that it won't be easy, and it is a different sort of relationship and challenge than the Mastery of one love-slave. In the books, Norman did not suggest that kajira loved each other as "sisters". Quite the opposite, he acknowledged the bitter rivalry among slaves. Certainly friendships between slaves are possible. Friendships among women everywhere flourish and are deep and nourishing. But just as sexual competition among men threatens friendships, so does it with women.

You say, "But slaves are not allowed jealousy. They are not allowed an ego."..... I fall over laughing in the grass and kicking my little feet in the air. Slaves may not be allowed to EXPRESS jealousy, or hurt, or pain, or suffering, or... any other emotion the Master forbids them to speak of... but slaves are vibrant, complete, loving women in collars with all the emotions of human beings, which is the thing that makes having one on her knees at your boots so very, very delicious.

One time I sent a communication to a woman of my Master's acquaintance--an ooc note regarding an ooc relationship--and my Master was very angry with me. His response was to order me to exist in the bracelets position and to forbid me to speak to any female of his acquaintance without permission. Whether IC responses and restrictions are appropriate for situations that are totally ooc is a subject for another post (I don't think they are) ... and yet I feel the wisdom and appropriateness of my Master's response. Why? There would be only one way for him to have peace under his roof if he were to bring another girl onto his chain. He would have to chain me to keep me from killing her and forbid me to speak to her so that the vitriol I would throw in her direction--out of his earshot-- wouldn't have his new girl in tears by nightfall. And so he would have to begin to enforce his will on me with deep restrictions to counter deep impulses.

It is the Master's decision to have as many kajira on his chain as he wishes and it is the Master's decision as to what roles and duties the girls have and who will be his first girl and to punish that which is displeasing to him. I love my Master dearly and so if he were to bring another onto his chain I would do as he asked me and hide my pain as best I could as a fallible person. But I would be stabbed through the heart inside and seething with hatred for my rival. I would see that the Master didn't care about that and I would... in time probably stop loving him. And I concede that might not matter a whit to a Master.

I read posts all the time, and hear stories from Masters who bemoan the "ooc drama" that happens between the two...or three... or more... girls on their chains. "Why can't everyone just get along?"... and I have to laugh at the naiviety of that statement. It isn't the kajira's job to "get along" with the girls you have on your chain, it is your job as Master... who has created this tense situation to enforce your will on the girls. You have chosen to have a nest of seethingly jealous females fighting over access to your cock. That is the bed you have made, Master... go lie in it. Go and chain those girls, put them in separate cages. Do what you must, but don't expect them to be the solution to your dilemma. Let them know that any who displease you will be killed. You'll get peace and obedience. Love? Well you've made a choice that love is not going to rule you. Don't let it.

And so I think it is a choice for the Master of what sort of Master he is and what kind of work he wants to put into his Mastery. Mastery of one is difficult, but given the submission of the heart of the girl, he will find it always pleasing to bring out the girl's slave nature to love and serve him. To Master more than one is a different challenge and the Master must not expect a bevy of happy, loving girls who will love each other and serve him happily to arise by magic. That is an outcome of a long and difficult task of Mastery. He will be fighting their competitive natures, have to give much thought to both discipline and control through his power to make each girl love him enough to put up with her sisters. He will lose some who will run away or suicide rather than share.

At this point in time, I rather think my Master would lose me--physically and emotionally-- were I to find another on the chain with me, but his Mastery has surprised me before now in taking me places I did not think I could go. I am kajira and know that it is my Master's choice to make. I have no illusions that I have any influence over his decision beyond the power of any slave has.... to please him so very, very, very well with beauty, exquisite obedience and sensual delights, that he would ... at least for a moment regret my loss. He has chosen to collar an alpha female and is not fool enough not to know that any girl he would bring into my reach would be in danger of being clawed to death. He enjoys the ferocity of my love for him and is well-satisfied with having brought a proud alpha female to kneel at his boots. He also knows how deeply I love my collar and his power over me. He is Master and will decide.

The Jewel within the Slave

One of the most valuable lessons of slavery is learning that one's value is not dependent upon power.

In my real life I went through a period in which because I lost a particular job, I totally lost my sense of self-worth and identity for a time. I felt like a piece of discarded trash as my identity was so wrapped up in the status and power of a leadership role I had in my work.

But a slave has no power, no possessions, almost no ability to make decisions for herself. She is owned, her Master's property, to be used, sold, punished even killed as he wills it.

Yet her Master values her.

The danger in this is that the girl will become so dependent upon her Master's approval that she becomes a clingy bootwarmer. SL Gor seems full of whiney dependent slaves and that clingy dependence does not endear most girls to their Masters.

Most Masters want a bit of a challenge, a girl that they have to wrestle to her knees and who amuses them with displays of wit, intelligence and sauce.

Within each slave there is a beautiful female jewel that starts out dull and uncut. The Master will shape it to his pleasing but it is the girl who polishes and makes it shine for the Master's pleasure. As the girl sees this jewel take shape, her feminine beauty, grace, her ability to pleasure a Master, her unselfish female submission to the wishes of the male, the skills she develops to please her Master.... cooking and serving the food that pleases, keeping his home as he wills, crafting things that he desires her to make, dancing for him, singing or playing music for him.... whatever he bids her do... she knows deep in herself that she is a beautiful slave, she is a jewel beyond price. Her Master MAY value her.... or he may sell her.... or cast her aside. While she might miss him, it does nothing to her sense of her value. The jewel is still inside and she thanks her Master for cutting it in such a beautiful shape. She will treasure the slave jewel within and it will shine out of her eyes, captivating all men with the sexuality of the truly submissive female.

Can a Master rape a slave?

My Master and I have spent some time talking and thinking about this issue because it is deeply offensive to him to think about forcing himself sexually on anyone.

BUT... and this is a huge BUT... the Master/slave relationship cannot entertain any of the "safe words" that are the hallmark of BDSM relationships. A slave needs to feel that her submission is complete. The slave cannot "top from the bottom" as happens in BDSM. Therefore I have told my Master that I submit myself totally to his pleasure, his use and his discipline and therefore nothing he does can be construed as rape in my thinking.

If at somepoint the person behind the character becomes consistently very unhappy within her collar, she can beg release and the Master is not one to enjoy an unhappy slave so I expect he would release me.

However while I wear his collar I cannot function as a slave and ever have any idea that I can say "no" to him about anything ever. There are some issues that are stretching my ability to submit and the Master is taking those items slowly as he doesn't want me to breakdown. I will write more about that in another post.

But one area that I am very confident about is that I do not want to ever be able to withold sex because I am angry or sad about something. I think that placing that restriction on Mastery, robs a Master of one of the most effective tools in his repertoire and really makes Mastery harsher. When a girl is being recalcitrant, disobedient or hysterical often times she really needs to be fucked to remind her that she is the Master's slave, she is female and she is owned. But while she is in a bad mood, she is unlikely to be simmering obediently and worshipfully before his cock. Instead she is standing with hands on hips with her proud little bottom waggiling enticingly but rebelliously as she attempts to make some point about what she wants or is angry about.

This is when a Master will admister a rapid head-clearing spanking and a therapeutic dose of his rod to beat down the doors that his girl is throwing up against his Mastery. It is amazing how difficult it is for a woman to stand on her "principles" or "stick to her guns"... when in fact her legs are apart and her Master is firmly enthroned in her pussy, rummaging her with delicious enjoyment.

There is nothing that makes me angrier than having my arguments responded to with my Master's cock up my business end. There is nothing that I can say back to that argument. And as I buck and twist away from him and he stays firmly in the saddle, it is infuriating to see how much he enjoys my little shows of protest, the fight I give him as he pulls me open to use me.

It is the job of a slave to be sexually used and therefore a kajira cannot elect to shirk her job. The reason that nether shielding is denied a slave is so that the Master's access is never impeded and the slave feels deeply in her womb that the Master's cock is king in this chamber.

The Master's calm and matter-of-fact claiming of what is his in these little spats of disobedience go a long way to teaching a girl her place and educating her to the new realities of her situation within the M/s relationship. Each thrust of the Master's cock is harder and harder for the girl to ignore, shut out of her mind. She can hate the feeling of him inside her for a little while, but sooner or later, her body betrays her. She is pinned under the strength and weight of her Master and he is dominating her in the way she has dreamed of being dominated. Her womb bobs up and down jumping within her belly on the end of his battering ram within her stronghold, beating down the doors of any resistence. She cannot deny for long how arousing it is that he does not need her permission to pound her and her enjoyment is entirely optional. She is welcome to be a participant and enjoy the ride if she wishes, or to stay furious if she chooses, but ridden she will be and she will feel the warm rush of his tide of pleasure within her whether she chooses to milk him with her joyous spasms or not.

A girl will often open more fully and submit more deeply after having been taken while she is angry and resistant. The fact that she is unable to resist the Master and has not herself engaged in any erotic imagination, can lead to surprising openness to the new experience and to her Master's stroke and images. Absolved of responsibility for instigation of the sex, she can discover a new level of abandonment to erotic pleasure. He will leave her flushed and speechless as her anger and outrage is turned to an orgasmic explosion as she realizes how fully the Master's cock dominates her femininity and how helpless she is to do anything other than receive the thorough screwing she is being given. Gasping she falls into his arms, legs trembling and all rebellious thoughts evaporated.

This totally happy outcome is quite common in the M/s dynamic... because she is his slave and has submitted. But in some cases, immediate resolution will not be achieved. The girl may go away angry after being used, but she has still been taught the lesson that she will be used how, when and it what way the Master chooses. It is not for her to choose. Given time, she will not try to withold sexual pleasure as a way to manipulate the Master. Instead she will use more honest communication, bringing her thoughts, fears, worries and laying them at her Master's feet openly and asking for his judgement.

In our relationship, we have not used any of the devices that are available in SL that restrain an avatar in a position to be sexually used but I can see why such a device would be effective. Probably just being put in such a device and contemplating the thought of being used while restrained would go a long way to making a girl understand how pointless acts of rebellion are when one is collared.

Sexual witholding is one of the most powerful (and hurtful) tools in the repertoire of earth women as they seek within the mixed up world of male/female relationships on earth to control men who should be their Masters. It must not be a tool that is allowed to a slave.

Training a girl to wait

My Master used a maddeningly effective training visualization exercise to train me to both stay sexually tuned but to wait on his command.

He brought me to a peak of arousal with his words and then he commanded me to open my legs for him. Parting my petals, he thrust what he described as a large but fragile glass dildo in my pussy. He then put my iron belt on to hold it in place.... and went off to do other stuff humming a little tune. I was to stay in place and describe the feelings, the contour of the dildo inside me. However I could not make the slightest contraction of my pussy or the glass could shatter inside me causing pain and damage.

I felt the smooth curved contour of my Master's toy holding me open, filling me, holding his place like a bookmark. The sensation of penetration made me want to contract desperately but I knew I could not. Over the time that I was left like this (30 to 60 minutes) I went from curiousity, to annoyance, to intense arrousal, and finally to that state of perfect submission and openess. I was open and ready for my Master, but I had learned obedience and control of my feminine muscles.

From that point on, he could ask me to halt and stay in the middle of his sexual use of me and I was able to obey and adopt the mental and sexual attitude of readiness and openess, awaiting his lead always.

Initially I didn't understand what the Master was trying to achieve with this training and maybe it was important that I figure it out by myself. But it certainly led me to a different attitude and dynamic within the cybersex. I had been very much feeling that I had to instigate, contribute all the time. This trained me to receptivity.

Fun within an M/s relationship

The photo above is of my Master trying out a new swimming HUD. I am surfacing from below and caught him reflected in the waves... Yes he did eventually take his stuff off...sorry girls I didn't take any snaps.

One of the payoffs of the mature, secure M/s relationship is the ability to relax and have fun together sometimes. For the dominant man, it is often a worry to appear undignified, silly, goofy and just play with a girl. He fears losing respect and control. However, when that respect is absolute, his power and Mastery over her is as complete as possible, that fear ceases to exist.

He tells his girl he feels in a playful mood and she claps her hands in delight at the prospect of a light-hearted day. They can play together like innocent children, free of any need to posture in front of each other because all of that pretense has nothing to do with them. He knows he is in control and so does she. And so the play is free, satisfying, and completely fun!