My writing output has been sputtering to a halt lately because for me the most important audience member I have for these writings is my own Master and whether because of busyness or because I have become boring and non-spontaneous to him... I seem to be too reflective, or to wish for more planning sometimes... he has been absent.
He is my inspiration and without him, there is nothing to write about.
The other day I asked him how I could please him and he told me just to be myself. On one hand that was such a nice and affirming thing to say and I am sure he meant it as such. We submissives bring personality, a mind, opinions, and talents to the M/s relationship for sure.
But what attracts us to a Master is that we sense that we need and want to be shaped to his pleasure. We don't want to fight the man that has won our hearts and brought us to our knees. We give up freedom to no longer live in suspense about when we have pleased or displeased, how we may serve, what we can strive to do better. We expect to be told clearly.
A Master who is no longer interested in doing that, has released us ... in his heart, by his actions, whether the formalities have been done or not.
My leash dangles from my collar without a tug. I hope to feel his strong hand again. But for the moment I feel sad, lost, rudderless.. and gentle readers... have nothing to write about.
This. This is why I haven't written anything lately.
ReplyDeleteYes it is hard to write in a void. I am discomfited by the idea of writing into the silent darkness and also lacking in the inspiration that sometimes arises from a phrase, a conversation or a longer interaction with my Master.
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