Does one ever graduate from slavery?

A provocative question.

Lately my Master has not had time for me. He's not been well, he's over-worked but.... this girl senses that she's not as high in his priorities as she once was. How I feel about that changes with the day and the hour. My feelings for him remain loving. I worry about him, then feel a bit of a pulling back of that worry as I wonder if the illness is but an excuse for him taking a break from SL while he thinks things over.

A hot kajira is a terrible thing to waste, and yet this girl has been in limbo for weeks, neither released nor called to the furs nor used in any way.

I review my shortcomings as a kajira and the missteps we took along the way in our mutual path. As a new kajira with an experienced Master, I was unready for some of the challenges he gave me and balked and rebelled and broke at times under them. I worry that by the time I was ready and fully opened to his Mastery his whip hand was so weary he started to give up. I don't know.

These musings do not lead to understanding. Only my Master's words can do that.

In the meantime I find myself thinking about the uncertain future. What if I am released? Where will I go? What will I do?

More and more as I confront these thoughts I find myself feeling that I may have learned what I needed to learn from this aspect of myself. While I would willingly stay in this beloved collar for a longtime, a lifetime, I do not love the collar for it's own sake but only the Master whose name is on the collar. If he chooses to release me, I will walk a solitary path of reflection and healing, not rush like a crushed thing to another shelter.