A Master with a Strong Hand

Yesterday another Master in our city, Marcos, happened to say to me, "yes it is said that women prefer a Master with a strong hand".

Somehow those words made me think and immediately realize that it was more a case of fearing a Master with a weak hand!

Within our community there is one Master who uses as his tagline in forum postings, "An abused slave is a happy slave"... and every time I see those words I get the shivers. I personally have no desire to be abused.

What I seek in my M/s relationship is the things that are not available/obtainable (at least not by me) in an equal relationship, or a relationship where I would call the shots.

For me equal relationships with men have always been an endless string of struggles for power. It is tiring deciding who get's to decide, what's fair, who's right about everything, everyday, 24-7. Those wrangles take a toll on intimacy. And how easy is it to say, "I was wrong. I screwed up" when you know that admission is going onto some spousal scorecard to be retrieved when the next argument comes up and he needs to impune your record of behaviour or reliability.

Personally I have been pretending to be perfect for so long and deflecting all criticism that there has been no real room for personal growth. And I can never let my guard down with an equal partner who is a constant sparring partner.

While I am trying so hard to get my way, maintain my power, win my arguments there is little room for me to feel sexy, feminine, loving, protected, cherished or .... OWNED!

I know my Master is not always right about things. He has his blind spots. I have mine. But having agreed that his decisions are final, a vast majority of opportunity for discord is eradicated. As he happens to be a wise, fair person who is happy to listen to my ideas, this does not feel like oppression but rather a natural and peaceful way to exist.

The strong hand becomes evident when my Master is not pleased with something, corrects me or feels I need to improve in some area. I'm totally unused to criticism in my life. I react terribly to it and generally have never spoken to people again who have strongly called me out on things I've done wrong. I run. I lie. I hide. I quit jobs. I break with friends. But I never, ever say, "I'm wrong. I'm sorry."

As a result my Master was riding a really bucking filly when he first tried to school me to new behaviours or ways of thought. I have seriously tried to buck him off me... slip the collar and/or annoy him so much he'd set me free during two episodes. He has used all the tools of the skilled horse trainer in getting his mount to obey his commands. Gentle words, calming hands, a firm grip on the leash, a touch of the lash and occasionally some sort of symbolic bit between my teeth... additional controls during troublesome periods. His patience and hardness during these times, I later saw as an evidence of his caring and self-Mastery. It would have been soooo much easier to have let me run away... forget me... so much harder to weather the stormy seas. Yet he did with remarkable calm, steely determination and .... yes a strong hand.

Alts

There is little that is as controversial in SL Gor as the use of Alts (Alternative Avatars). The people who hate the practice feel that roleplay is diluted when people have so many identities that any one is seldom available to advance a story, fulfill a city or tribal function/duty. In addition, most people have heard of someone who was tricked or manipulated by someone creating an alt.

On the plus side, roleplayers will tell you that it makes things more authentic to retire a character for some time when it is killed in roleplay and to be able to have another character to continue to participate.

My character Muse was created to explore some very real in-depth human emotions in the M/s relationship. I decided to use an alt because my main avatar is closely tied to other activities in SL and RL connections. But with time, as the relationship deepened, our main avis also became M/s. So this blog in a sense is about two couples, two relationships.

Dancing with words

Learning to roleplay I realized that whether one was roleplaying a serve, a plot, or a dance, it was all dancing with words.

One leads and the other follows, one step at a time. Take too many steps at a time and someone's toes get trod upon, you are no longer dancing together... you must be responsive as well as creative.

I grew to enjoy the fragile and evolving beauty of a flow of words woven by two (or more) hearts.

White Silk No More

The true joy of the Master/slave relationship is when the Master chooses to claim what is his in his own time and manner and his submissive is quivering with excitement and desire.

So it was that after the Master had chastised his girl and heard the depth of her sorrow at displeasing him and the true beginnings of her slave heart's submission to him, she first roused him to take her.

Simmering as she had been and having freshly tasted his lash she was ready for--and expecting--his hot ravishment. Instead she was again surprised by the extent of his self-Mastery and how very well he knew her heart and soul.

He wanted to heal the damages of the past and to have a whole, happy, and sensual loving girl as his slave. Therefore he left me bound to the post while he forced gentleness and sweet kisses on me. As someone who had lifelong put sex in one box and love in another box, I can't imagine another circumstance in which I would have allowed such tenderness and intimacy while I was in a sexually aroused state. Instead I would have bucked to go to a quick and hot conclusion. But this shallowness was not what my Master wanted. He held me on the cusp while he roleplayed the gentlest, sweetest, opening that a virgin could have. In doing this he gave me something that I never had in my life. To the extent that it was possible, he restored my sexual responses to respond to his loving tenderness.

He was not going to be the Master of a broken thing, but the Master of a woman that was whole, loving and able to enjoy all the flavours of sensuality and all that he would require of me to give him pleasure.

Slave Paces

The Gorean Slave Paces are as follows:

What are you, girl?
I am a slave, Master! La Kajira!

What does being a slave mean on Gor, beast?
It means I am property and owned, Master!

What are your duties, beast?
My duties are exquisite beauty and absolute obedience, Master!

How do you fulfill your duties, slut?
I am to serve, please and be pleasing to all Free Persons, Master!

When may a slave speak a Free Person's name, slut?
A slave may never speak the name of a Free Person, unless the Free Person has granted the slave permission, Master!

When may a slave say 'NO' to a command given by a Free Person, beast?
Never, Master!

A slave is always permitted the last words in a discussion. What are they?
Yes, Master!

Who may punish you, slut, and why?
Any Free Person may punish me if I am displeasing, Master!

How are you supposed to serve?
I must serve and please as if my life depends on it, for it very well may, Master!

These need to be learned by heart. You should be able to answer the paces whenever any Free asks them of you!

Muse's first punishment

As a very new M/s couple, with real caring between us about establishing a mutually fulfilling relationship we approached the first time Muse got herself in trouble with some frank ooc chat.

It turned out that really my Master thought my rusty chastity belt comments were hilarious and he wasn't offended in the least. However his character Elovar, the prideful Tarnsman Commander, would have felt his masculine pride singed by the girls comments.

From my standpoint I had felt the heat of his IC comments in my heart as having displeased him. I remembered the heady, saucey feeling I had felt in bantering with the other girls. I was rebellious about being kept White Silk for that long and I had truly been making sport in an effort to provoke my Master.

I felt I deserved to be punished. The Master was troubled. He responded by dragging me back to the cabin, stripping me and tying me in the prone "bara" position and telling me that he had to contemplate the appropriate punishment.

As we had our out of character chats about what had transpired, how the Master felt about punishment, why he was keeping me in white silk for now.... I thought it likely that the outcome would be that he would return to the cabin and say that my punishment had been served by remaining there and waiting, wondering.

For not the last time, I was to be surprised by this Master's sensitive listening to his girl's submissive viewpoint. When he returned to the cabin, he expressed satisfaction to find me as he had left me and made it plain that things would have gone worse for me had I budged or covered myself. Nevertheless he understood that my offence was a serious one and punishment must be meted out to instill in me the need for a constantly respectful demeanour to my Master, or it could go much worse for me. The punishment was for my teaching and the restoration of my place.

He used a switch which he tested in the air a few times to his satisfaction and then having tied me to a post administered some stinging blows to my buttocks as punishment for my saucey remarks. He then surprised me by additionally asking me to recite the Gorean Slave Paces from memory as he beat me in response to any hesitation or error on my part to remember the words I was supposed to have memorized! I couldn't remember them verbatim, couldn't find the notecard. I was truly in trouble. As it happened I remembered most correctly but had some stumbles. I was receiving on top of punishment my initiation beating as a kajira, to solidly instill the slave paces into memory.

During this roleplay I truly got to a new level of submission to my Master, and the "edge" which had been somewhat dulled by the weeks as a White Silk and the mild trouble of inappropriate humour, was restored. I believe that my Master was reassured at my willingness to accept whatever direction his Mastery might take and became less worried about breaking my spirit with too much harshness, too quickly.

I was surprised at how proud I felt of his strong hand. My avatar wore a "warmed butt" appearance for about a week after that and I told everyone who would listen that my Master had thrashed me soundly for angering him with an inappropriate joke at the expense of his manhood. Men nodded in approval at his discipline and other kajiris shared my view that it was good to be owned by a strong Master.

White Silk

For weeks my Master kept me as a White Silk... an unopened virgin slave. During this time I learned to follow him, observed some roleplay and we did some very simple roleplay as Master and slave.

The acts of kneeling at his boots in a position of parted knees, being kept naked or nearly so, made me expect to be sexually used at any time and kept me in a constant state of readiness.

It is said that before someone can Master a slave, he must Master himself. My Master was in total control of himself throughout this whole period, making it clear to me that he would use me only on his own schedule and that frankly it was my job to see to it that he was aroused and desired me.

For a woman that was used to being pursued by males, it was a very different dynamic to be placed in and to some extent I had difficulty adapting. At times I felt that I had worked hard to get to this point but had been found wanting in some way.

But as time went by I understood my Master's idea that a slave is best enjoyed and most pleasing to the Master when she has been left simmering for a time, so that she is eager to please and her passions are high enough to match the hot blood of the Master.

During this time I met some other kajiris and one night we were together in the square and had some high spirited girlish jokes about the length of time since our iron belts had been removed by our Masters. My Master overheard my own ribald humour about my rusty belt and gave me an IC (in character) reprimand about inappropriate comments. I was stung by his reprimand in a physical way.

Collared

I found the training that my Master engaged in before my collaring to be substantially different than I expected.

I had some experience in writing erotically and so I expected to immediately engage in lengthy hot prose.

Instead muse had to learn to listen: with her ears, her body, all her senses and to respond with sensitive prose that was inclusive of the new information and direction coming from the Master. He set me simple tasks at first like describing wind in my hair and the gentle stroking of the fuzz on my forearm.

Finally, the exciting day came when I was going to be pulled into his world. I felt a true sense of danger and knew I was crossing over into another life. He met me at a pre-arranged place on his tarn and told me to ride behind him. For the first time I was a slave girl in Gor, riding behind an all-powerful Master. My heart was beating fast. I was not yet collared to him. What if he abandoned me, sold me, or I was captured by some stranger? I felt myself press my breasts into his back and becoming as seductive as possible in order to encourage him to take me when I begged his collar.

Setting down within the city, I fell to my knees and raised my arms over my head crossed in the attitude of female submission. In that position I begged his steel and promised to please him. The promises made him laugh because as Master, should he collar me, I WOULD please. There would be no choices. With a click of a steel lock, the solid collar snapped around my neck.... both a symbol and a tool of Mastery.

This was but my first step on the wild side of my female nature. I had much to learn and challenges ahead.

Musing about Gor

Having read 7 or 8 of the Gor novels by John Norman, and having been an avid SF and fantasy reader for years, I have to admit that I do not find them to be great literature.

He recycles a lot of prose as he communicates in the guise of a science fiction story his own thoughts on the subconcious "natural" relationship between men and women. There is a lot that resonated for me and other things that chilled me, were no part of my desires or passions.

Yet these imperfect books have spawned a world wide movement in real life, on the internet and in Second Life. It is interesting that in the books, Norman suggests only a small percentage of the women of the planet Gor are slavegirls. Yet in Second Life there are far more kajiris than there are Masters to go around. Clearly something in a number of women makes them crave a relationship to a man that begins on their knees.

M/s and BDSM

One of the largest misconceptions in SL about Gorean roleplay is that it is BDSM play. Particularly confusing the issue is the fact that a fair number of BDSM types have been drawn to Gorean roleplay and the lines have become muddied in some roleplay communities.

A dominant/submissive relationship does not necessarily mean that the sub enjoys pain or the dominant enjoys inflicting pain. In BtB (by the book) Gorean roleplay, punishment is punishment and pleasure is pleasure. The female submissive's state of arousal is maintained because she feels her Master's total power over her and any inhibitions she might have about her own sexuality are lifted from her as soon as the collar clicks around her throat and she is pulled to her knees at her Master's boots.

Many slaves (depending on their disposition and their Masters) are seldom or never punished. Their obedience and service to their Masters is always pleasing and satisfactory. This is very different from BDSM roleplay.

I am a Master

A friend of mine in Second Life gave me this notecard which I found very helpful at times. I don't know the author. It was a Master she met in RL

I Am Master

The strongest bonds a Master can tie are those in the mind of His submissive...
I am a dominant man. I am just that.
I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part.
Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser.
I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body.
I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women.
Yet to you, I am Master.
I am your Master only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness.
I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions.
You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions.
You tell me of the needs of your heart and body.
You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.
We are not equal. We are halves of a whole.
We compliment each other and make each other complete.
My desire to dominate you is instinctive.
It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine.
We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.
Knowledge is the factor.. wisdom is the key that unlocks the door .."...compatability is the fuel,...chemistry the flame
And in knowledge..... wisdom, compatability, chemistry and personal choice, the two become one, living the everlasting passion of spiritual soul mates."

You are My Slave:
You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood.
You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion.
You expect a man to stand strong and be a man.
You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man.
In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart.
You submit because I have earned your trust.
Because I have opened my heart and soul to you.
Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions.
And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life; you
have given me dominance over you.
What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman give a man.
You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me.
Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility.
I accept this from you with humility and joy.
I understand the rarity and purity of this gift.
I recognize it is your body and soul,
your heart and mind.
I dominate you only because you have allowed it.
I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other woman, and all the treasures of the earth.
What you give freely can not in reality be bought.
You are a woman.
You are not weak or inferior because of it.
You are a treasure to be cherished.
We are not equal.
I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you.
You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart.
Your belief in me gives me courage and direction.
Your strength disperses my doubt.
Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.

Craving Mastery

I remember very clearly the first time I realized that I responded to being Mastered, in my real life.

I was in my late teens and dating a much older man, who was also a large, strong and commanding person. I was very much in love with him but I was also a bit of a spoiled brat. One evening we were having an argument about the fact that he had invited people over when I wanted us to be alone. He was trying to get me to help with housework and dinner and I was sulking and then screaming at him.

At some point he shrugged and said something like, "I don't know what to do with you when you behave like a spoiled child." Then he pulled out a kitchen chair, grabbed me and turned me over his knee and spanked me hard and thoroughly. My emotions went from shock and rage, to shame and embarassment, to helplessness, and then suddenly I realized I was incredibly aroused and I started laughing and crying at the same time and saying, "okay, okay... you win... I'll be good."

He took my face in his hands and looked hard at me and said, "You sure you will behave yourself now?" And I felt all melty as I said, "Yes"..... He kissed me hard and pretty soon we were making love passionately, like I never had before.

I realized then that I had this sexual response to a man who would not take guff from me and would take control of situations.

To some extent I found this troubling and tried to deny my nature as I thought of myself as a modern, equal woman. I also found it troubling because I had experienced real abuse in my life and was worried that there was something wrong with me and that I would be drawn to truly abusive men.

Becoming a Muse

Muse is my Second Life Alt (alterate account). My main avatar had been in Second Life for more than two years when I first learned of Gorean roleplay.

How it happened was this:

One day I visited the castle home of a long time friend from other places in SL and online. In the course of the tour he gave to myself and some gal pals of mine, he showed us his "dungeon".... and I felt a little embarassed as my friends were quite straight-laced. To defuse the situation and make light of it, I tried some of the devices.... and found myself aroused by the thought of my avatar caged, bound, and at the mercy of the Masterful male avatar I saw before me.

I was flustered by this and it was a long time later that I shared those thoughts.

He, who was to become my Master was surprised that I had those stirrings and unsure whether there could be a connection for us. He gave me the Books of Gor to read.... insisting I complete at least six books before he would think about collaring me and bringing me into his story.

I created Muse.... and sat her in a garden pavillion where she read daily and dreamed hot dreams of the Master she hoped would come and collar her.